


Not Only the Ocean

by IttyBittyTeapot (LittleSeedofDarkness)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Era, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Manga Spoilers, canon age gap, canonverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-25 11:39:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9818774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSeedofDarkness/pseuds/IttyBittyTeapot
Summary: With a lull in the risk of violent death, and some down-time for the group, Levi finds himself beginning to experience lingering thoughts of Eren. No matter what he does, he can't get away from the fucking shifter, but soon comes to understand that he really doesn't want to.Begins during the events of Manga issue #90. See notes, as I didn't want to make the summary have spoilers in it.





	1. Two Rolls and a Plate of Cookies

**Author's Note:**

> I know better than to do this to myself and start another fic, but I did anyway. ;p
> 
> For a while I have wanted to write a canon-divergence fic, but I was waiting to see what was going on in the manga. When I read issue #90, I was elated because I thought it was the perfect time. Plus, my longer haired Eren headcanon became canon. I don't think this is going to be divergent so much as covering some of the time during the year that was time-skipped in the manga. Although, who knows, I may diverge depending on what happens in coming issues. It won't be spoiler heavy because this is mainly going to be about Levi and Eren forming a romantic relationship during that time, but if the story calls for it, I may mention some. 
> 
> I chose not to use archive warnings, but tagged for canon age difference (Eren is sixteen in this). I was thinking about tagging it 'underage', but was left thinking, 'underage according to what?'. What state, country, province, and it didn't seem to fit for me in a universe where they send people off to die and get eaten at 15. So, if the canon age difference in canon era isn't your cup of tea, I'd suggest turning back now.
> 
> I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this, but it will be a little slow burnish, and it will definitely have fluff and sexy times, and probably a bunch of cute awkwardness too. 
> 
> I hope you like it, and thanks for reading. <3

  When they had retaken Wall Maria eight months before, Levi didn’t have the slightest idea they’d be where they were now. None of them did. There was little resemblance currently to what their experiences were a year before; a contrariness to what they had all become so used to. It was freeing, and yet, given what they now knew, that uneasiness of waiting for ‘the other shoe to drop’ was ever present.

  There was a similar inkling that ran between all of them, but regardless, that guillotine which hung over their necks was beginning to feel farther away, and that feeling had only intensified in recent days, when it had been determined that all the titans inside the wall had been disposed of.

  At first, there had been disbelief; turns of events such as this being hard to accept in the beginning. Immediately after the news, it left their group with that ‘too good to be true’ sentiment that generally caused one to sit unblinking with their mouth hanging open as their mind fought for a way to wrap itself around the information. After that, it had settled into quiet contemplation, and Levi and the others had sat at dinner that night, mainly quiet and in stunned awe. There was hope, and hope was a fragile thing, especially in a world such as theirs.

  The fear of breaking that feeling of hope was palpable, and no one wanted to be the one to do it. But over the next few days, reality had settled in, and a cautious optimism had blossomed, fueled slightly by the approach of Eren’s sixteenth birthday…

  It was on the morning of that day that Levi found himself sitting in the dining hall at breakfast, once again in quiet contemplation, not only over their future and what was next, but over his young charge. In truth, most of his thoughts were centered on that young man lately; one Eren Yeager.

  Although the others were wrapped up loudly in excitement over the occasion, Levi was off by himself at another table, drinking tea and pretending to read the paper. He peered over it now and then, his eyes the only feature of his face visible over the page. Those eyes sometimes shifting so he could glance closely at Eren, before he would resume staring blankly at the printed words before him.

  He considered that one could accuse him of ‘spying’ as he watched the younger Survey Corps members chatting and almost fawning over Eren, but he preferred to call it exactly what it was; ‘observing’. Yes, he was simply _observing_.

  It was something he did often, something he had done since first encountering Eren. There was a special dynamic in their relationship, given that it was Levi’s job to take him out if he ever completely lost control.

  They were bound together in two of the most intimate ways possible; a steward who had also been given the task of putting him down like a rabid dog --if need be, and that of two people who fought side-by-side in an unbelievably shitty war. But even that comradery was different from most in respect to the two of them. Eren was a _weapon_ , a hope for humanity that had been a light in the darkness, and Levi… well, Levi was ‘Humanity’s Strongest Soldier’.

  …Although, when Levi thought more about it, something about that description gnawed at him. A ‘weapon’? Eren was so much _more_ than that, and though, at first Levi had found him a somewhat over-excitable, and an occasionally trying youth, he couldn’t deny that the brat had somehow began to be something else. Where once he would have regretfully done his duty, and cut him down if necessary, he found now --when he was honest with himself, that it would be crushing.

  He didn’t know exactly when that had changed, or why, but he couldn’t deny that it had. To do so would be folly, and just a plain lie. It was something he knew he needed to force himself to recognize and accept. If he didn’t, it could mean making a miscalculation, and it could cost him not only his own life, but the lives of the others. And as much as he didn’t worry about Eren becoming that rabid dog anymore, it was still an eventuality he needed to keep in the back of his mind no matter how much it bothered him.

  Ruffling his paper, he used the opportunity to take a better look at Eren, and he suddenly felt uncomfortable, some unnamed emotion tugging in him before he dismissed it as best he could, stood up and put his paper under his arm, then set his teacup in the receptacle for dirty china, and left. He hated that feeling, and he didn’t want to think of Eren anymore at the moment. Something about that hole his thoughts had just traveled down had left him with a sickeningly overwhelmed feeling, and the only solution he currently had was to slink away, and basically run.

  Unfortunately, his day had gotten no easier where the entire Eren _problem_ was concerned. Thinking he could find some respite in his office, he had headed there immediately only to have Hanji come pester him to remind him it was Eren’s birthday and that he should be sure to acknowledge it because it would probably, ‘mean so much to him’. Not ten minutes after Hanji departed, the kid himself had come to his office.

  _Eren…_

  He was looking particularly happy today, and Levi eyed him as he stood there trying to look as serious as possible while remaining at attention, having more trouble than usual keeping that smile from creeping onto his face.

  _‘This kid is such a mess,’_ Levi thought with a sigh, before rethinking it a moment later. He was being an asshole, and in truth, all these formalities meant little to him. Especially, given their situation. His slight annoyance was more with himself for being rattled by the kid than anything else, and to start in on him because of it would have been completely unfair.

  It _was_ Eren's birthday. He had actually _survived_ to see it, and Levi couldn’t quite blame him for being happy about that. He’d had to contend with a lot at that age in the Underground, and even more shit when he joined the Survey Corps, but nothing like what this kid had to at that age. Could he really be pissed off that he was fighting a smile on his birthday, while he stood in his office?

  He choked down the snippy comment that was brewing beneath the surface. “What do you want, Eren?”

  Eren relaxed a little out of that forced stance; the one that Levi was now realizing he actually really hated seeing on Eren –if he was honest with himself about that, too.

  “You didn’t give us any duties for today.”

  He had left so abruptly from the dining hall that he’d forgotten to assemble those fucking brats? This was getting ridiculous. Levi remained silent for a moment, settled back in his chair, put on his most serious, serious face, and kicked his foot up on his desk. He couldn’t have Eren know he had forgotten to assign duties because he was suffering from some existential crisis over him. No, he’d have to think of an excuse. And a good one. “We had some good news earlier in the week, as you know, and it’s your birthday. Why don’t all of you take the day to fuck off.”

  “Really, Captain?” Eren questioned, seemingly in disbelief, that grin now fully plastered across his face.

  _‘There really is something about him,’_ Levi thought before quickly deciding he needed to hit himself in his own fucking face. “Yes Eren. There’s not much to do, anyhow. Not until the rest of the snow melts. But don’t tell anyone it’s because of your birthday. If you do, I’ll have every filthy brat in here on every birthday looking for a fucking day off.”

  “Ok, Captain. I won’t say anything,” Eren said before turning to leave.

  “I mean it, Yeager. Not a _fucking_ word!”

  “I won’t, Captain.”

  When the door closed, Levi pinched his brow. He probably shouldn’t have done that, but he couldn’t think of any better way to cover his ass. He couldn’t tell Eren he had become entirely disturbed while contemplating his position or role in the war, his possible death at his hands, or just how much the entire thing was starting to eat away at him.

  Perhaps it was the amount of down time they’d been having, Levi surmised. Months ago, they had been going at the titans within the wall quite fiercely in an attempt to make the area safe again, but as they took down more, their numbers had slowly dwindled. The number of dangerous expeditions within Wall Maria had slowed then, and there were less and less a month, until just three days ago, they had been told there was no more for them to do within the walls.

  The next order of business would be taking an expedition outside the walls to make an assessment, but Levi and the others had already decided that wouldn’t be for months and the weather was better. It had left Levi and everyone else with little to do. He supposed he should be grateful for this, and he was, but he would have been more so, if Eren wasn’t constantly in his damn thoughts.

  He busied himself with paperwork, finding the task boring, yet somehow calming. It wasn’t completely effective at keeping his mind off of Eren, and all the other needling thoughts that were currently camping in his head, but it was better than staring at his door. Something he had done for near thirty minutes straight after Eren had left, and he now possessed the knowledge of exactly how many knots were in that damn chunk of wood. Thirty-three, to be exact.

  Sometime nearing the end of lunchtime, he moved from his chair and stretched, trying to decide if he wanted to make a run to the dining hall or not. He was slightly hungry, and had been for some time, but he had found a quiet peacefulness working in his office, most likely due to the fact that no one else had attempted to disturb him. There was also that small detail of trying to avoid Eren. Undoubtedly, he would be there in the dining hall, crew in tow, especially because of his birthday.

  _'Those kids are always loud at meals, and Eren’s one of the loudest ones of them all.’_  

  He had tried to explain it away as a need to keep away from those loud fucking brats, but shit, they were always loud. Today wasn’t really any different in that respect.

  But after a moment, that initial thought gave him pause. That _word_ gave him pause, and he his pinched his brow again as he walked over to his window.

  “Kid…” he whispered.

  _‘He’s not a kid anymore,’_ Levi thought. In truth, was he really a kid before _today_ , anyway? Sure, he was fifteen yesterday, but he hadn’t really been a _kid_ for a while, not since that first day he was in battle, _at least_. It’s hard to be a kid when you face certain death being sent out into the field as canon-fodder, and it’s hard to be a _kid_ when you see your mother being eaten, or when you _eat_ your own father.

  No, Yeager hadn’t been a kid for a while, Levi realized, before wondering why in the fuck he was spending so much time thinking about this, anyway.

  Then again, he had a tendency to get like this when he was alone, as he was then, up in his office, with not much to do anymore, staring out into the courtyard now, where Eren and his friends were standing. He could see them laughing, shoving at each other playfully, and it looked like Armin had given him a gift that they were all examining.

  He stared for a long time, thoughts still on Eren, but shifting slightly. Finally deciding that there was something about Eren that looked different today --and Levi, for at least the hundredth time that day, couldn’t pull himself away from his thoughts about him.

  He _looked_ older. Even from all the way up there, in his window, looking down, Levi saw something _different_. It wasn’t the eyes, he knew that. Those had changed slowly, as each passing crisis or battle had gone by, and he’d noticed it each time. And it wasn’t the fact that maybe, just maybe he’d grown a little bit taller. Levi considered it was the hair, which when he took stock of it now, he realized was so much longer than it used to be. Something that had gone unnoticed by him until now because hair growth was slow and subtle, Levi figured.

  A specific answer eluded him, but he came to the conclusion that it was all those things, and something else that he wasn’t going to figure out now. Instead, he decided to skip lunch and delve into more paper work.

  It wasn’t until well past eight in the evening when he finally exhausted every last scrap of work he had to do. In fact, it was every last scrap of work he had to do for the next week. He stood up and stretched again, quite pleased with himself. He was way ahead of where he needed to be, and had successfully distracted himself from Eren.

  _Eren…_

  He removed everything from his desk, swiping it down for dust and inspecting it carefully. Bringing his face down to eye level with its surface, making certain there was not a bit of dust or fuzz, before neatly replacing his quill and ink and all his papers. He then went to the closet and pulled out a broom and swept. After finishing those tasks, and finding that he was quite satisfied, he turned out his lantern and left, thinking he could slip into the dining hall unnoticed and procure something for dinner.

  It was probably breaking some stupid protocol, and possibly a shitty thing to do, in his opinion, but he could do it just this once. He was the fucking Captain, and if he wanted some damn rolls at eight o’clock at night, he was going to have them. There was nothing terrible about it, he had been working all day. Working hard because it was _necessary_. He hadn’t been hiding in his office that entire time like some kind of child. Absolutely not.

  He crept quietly through the hall, attempting to muffle the sounds of his boots on the floor, making it almost all the way to the dining hall before he wondered why in the hell he was being so sneaky. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t _supposed_ to be in the hall, or that it would be at all out of the ordinary for him to be walking around the building at this time of night. He knew he could run into others and they’d be far more likely to bother him if they saw him sneaking around suspiciously than if he was walking like a normal person. He was being ridiculous, he thought, then decided for the second time that day, that he should hit himself in his own fucking face.

  When he reached the door, he looked down the hall, making certain no one was nearby, then shoved his key in the lock and went inside. He took a deep breath, and shut the door behind him, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world, then walked over to the kitchen, and snatched up three rolls. That would be plenty to get him through until morning, he could even roast them in the fireplace in his room if he really felt like it. There’d be no butter, but it was better than nothing.

  He stuck two of them under his jacket, holding them firm against his side with his arm, then took a bite of the third, and poked his head out of the door checking for passersby. Noting the hallway was empty, he locked the door, hid the roll he had begun eating in his hand, and headed to his room, feeling absolutely enthralled with himself for pulling off such a successful heist.

  Only when he had made it to the stairs that led to the second floor where his quarters were located, and noted the hallways seemed largely deserted did he feel confident enough to take another bite of the roll concealed in his hand. It had all worked out perfectly, he thought as he shoved the last morsel into his mouth, arrived on the second floor and turned, almost bumping into none other than Eren.

  _Eren…_

  He came to a dead stop, swallowing his last mouthful of roll as inconspicuously as possible, and looked up at the green-eyed shifter standing in front him. Of course, this is exactly what would happen, and this is _exactly_ who he’d run into. _Eren_. Eren, with that big grin, those glinting eyes, and his usual, “Captain Levi!”

  There he stood, saluting him, a plate of cookies in his fucking hand. Cookies. Were those _cookies_?

  Levi attempted his best ‘bored’ look, averting his eyes from the tasty treats on the plate, and looked straight at Eren. “What are you doing, Eren? It’s late.”

  The teen slumped for a moment, his brow furrowing slightly as he looked at Levi with a confused expression on his face. “Um, Captain, it’s not ten o’clock yet.”

  Levi wanted to pull out his pocket watch, check the time, tell Eren he was wrong, and to get to bed, but he had two problems. The first was that it wasn’t after ten. The second was that he’d drop those damned rolls he’d snatched if he moved his arm attempting to get to the pocket his watch was secured in. He stood silent for a moment, feeling Eren’s gaze upon him while he appraised the situation.

  Surely, supplies would have been taken for those cookies. They _never_ had cookies. Not once in recent memory had he ever gone down to the dining hall and found that there were fucking cookies. And even if there were cookies, why in the hell did Eren have a whole damn plate of them?

  “Where did you get those cookies, Eren?”

  At this, the shifter perked up, and Levi had to keep himself from losing his ‘bored’ look when he saw how happy Eren was. “Hanji gave them to me for my birthday. I was on my way to see if you wanted some.”

  Great, he couldn’t scold him for _that_. What was he going to do? Make him go clean the stables tomorrow for being nice? “I see. Just don’t… don’t get any filthy crumbs anywhere.”

  He had been defeated. Defeated by a plate of tasty looking cookies that he currently was having a hard time not glancing at, and defeated by Eren.

  “Fuck…” Levi whispered, leaving Eren looking at him oddly.

  “What’s wrong, Captain Levi? Do you want some?” Eren asked as he held the plate out toward him.

  The day had been long, and trying, to say the least, and Eren wanted to give him some cookies. It was all so surreal, and ridiculous, and why in the fuck should it not end with him running into Eren and at least getting himself some dessert for all his troubles? He deserved this. He deserved some damn cookies.

  He reached his hand forward, carefully taking two, then noted Eren now staring at the floor by his feet. Levi glanced at Eren questioningly, then followed his eyes down to what was so interesting, only to see his rolls lying there next to his boots. He grappled for something to say, then looked back up at Eren, dumbfounded.

  This was perfect. Just fucking _perfect_. He decides _one time_ , on a whim, to grab some rolls before bed and gets caught. Caught by none other than _Eren_.

  “You dropped your rolls, Captain,” Eren said shakily, then crouched down, picked them up and held them up to him.

  Levi stared in disbelief, no words coming from his now very dry mouth, before he decided for a final time that day that he really should just hit himself in his own fucking face.

  “Captain?” Eren questioned, still holding out the rolls.

  “I don’t want them now!” Levi scolded, grateful for the sudden revulsion over the dirtied rolls. He wasn’t going to eat rolls off the fucking floor! Who knew what the hell was on them now!

  Eren rose, looking dejected, and Levi realized he really didn’t like that look on Eren either. He took a bite of one of the cookies Eren had given him, the absurdity of this exchange leaving him with nothing else to think to do. It was so good, and he was so hungry, and he just gave up. “It’s fine, Eren. We’ll just throw them out.”

  “I’ll do it, Captain Levi.”

  Eren still looked sad, or somewhat put-off with how he’d snapped at him, and Levi didn’t know why it was bothering him so fucking much, but he couldn’t take it. “Thank you, Eren. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

  He seemed to lighten at that a little, to Levi’s relief. “It’s okay, I just wanted to get them off the floor. I didn’t think.”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  They stood staring at one another for a while, neither moving, Levi cursing the fates and wondering what in the world he had done to deserve this, and Eren wondering why Captain Levi was stealing rolls.

  Finally, Eren stuffed the rolls in his pocket, and looked around nervously, before smiling just slightly. “If that’s all Captain?”

  The awkward exchange was finally over, and Levi was glad for it. By this point he only wanted to get to his room, take a bath, and eat those delicious cookies as neatly as possible. He’d had enough surprises for the day, and enough of these constant thoughts about Eren. “Have a good night, Eren.”

  Levi moved past the shifter, heading toward his room without even dismissing him, only to hear him call to him from down the hall.

  “Goodnight, Captain.”

  _Eren…_

  The shifter just didn’t stop. Levi was annoyed about the day, and about the roll situation, and here Eren was with that pleasant voice, being nice enough to say ‘goodnight’. It was so bizarrely contrary to his mood, and Eren was fucking killing him with it. Cutting through that stress, and taking his irritation down a notch. How could he stay _that_ pissed?

  Levi stopped in his tracks, back still turned from Eren, before he remembered Hanji’s words from earlier. He turned his head, seeing him still standing in the hallway, plate of cookies in hand, just looking at him. “Happy Birthday, Eren.”

  Something softened in Levi when he saw his reaction, that smile back, and those big green eyes so fucking bright.

  “Thanks, Captain!”

  Levi turned back towards his bedroom, hearing Eren now moving down the hall in the other direction before he remembered to tell him one last thing. “And, Eren? Not a _fucking_ word about those rolls.”

  “I won’t tell anyone, Captain Levi.”


	2. A Very Long Day

  Not surprisingly, Levi awoke early. In fact, earlier than usual because of his growling stomach, and he cursed himself for being such an idiot the day before. Those two cookies Eren offered him --though fucking delicious, weren’t nearly enough to make up for almost an entire day of not eating. He looked to his window, noticing it was still completely dark, his hand going to his currently very empty stomach before assuring himself that today was not going to be another day of wanting to hit himself in his own fucking face.

  Today was going to be great! He and Hanji had decided he’d being going to scope out an abandoned building to assess the possibility of using it as a new supply depot. He’d be able to relax and take a ride through the countryside. Fresh air in his lungs, the sun on his face, and as long as Hanji didn’t send anyone too annoying, he’d finally get some damn peace. It would also give him a chance to get away from Eren, and hopefully those unceasing thoughts about him. The shifter had rented too much space in his head, and he needed to evict him, or at least get him down to one building.

  Yesterday had been enough, he couldn’t possibly have two days in a row like that. No way. And he was going to start this day out right! It was too late to go back to bed, so he decided he’d begin his morning workout early, hoping it would distract him from the discomfort of those hunger pangs and the obnoxious sounds his stomach was currently making.

  Before fully committing to rising from his bed, he paused for a moment, thinking to take this extra time to indulge in an extended session of jerking-off, but quickly dismissed the notion, realizing the pains currently wracking his stomach were going ruin the mood between his dick and his hand. He’d have to get some breakfast before doing that, and then if he still fancied the idea, he’d figure out a way to do it in his office very carefully so he didn’t make a mess, or if he was lucky, he’d have time to slip back to his quarters…

  ‘Tch-ing,’ and deciding it was too early in the morning for these kinds of really important decisions, he lit an oil lamp, then grimaced at the cold as he got out of bed and stood up, taking his night shirt off and neatly folding it, then setting it on the end of his bed, before he laid down on the floor. Some sit-ups should help beat his angry stomach into submission.

  As usual, the floor was cold as hell, but it was clean. He would only do something like this in his own room, where he knew it had been cleaned to his standards and he’d have no chance of covering himself in dirt and dust. He still cringed a little, as he did every morning at the notion of laying on the floor, but got straight to it anyway.

  After his morning routine of sit-ups, push-ups, and a few other assorted exercises, Levi decided he was finished. He stood up and looked in his mirror, hand running over his stomach and taking in the way his abs looked in the warm light of the lantern. He twisted slightly, appraising his waist, fingertips sliding over the subtle cuts of muscle above his hips that trailed down his stomach and disappeared beneath his skivvies. He wasn’t particularly arrogant, but he had to admit, he looked damn good. Though short, he thought he had an impeccable body, a little pale package of lean muscle, defined nicely, and he didn’t have a bad face to boot. He was feeling damn good today, and he looked damn good too. _‘And I’ll look even better after a bath,’_ he thought before heading to his bathroom with a subtle bounce in his step to clean up before going to eat his breakfast. Nothing was going to stop his good fucking day.

  Once he was clean and dressed, he left his room, snatching up a morning paper on the way to the dining hall, and thinking it would be a good idea to actually read it today, rather than use it as a blind to hide behind. He was definitely _not_ going to spend any of his morning breakfast and tea time observing the green-eyed man that he once again almost ran into in the hallway. It almost put him on a downturn back into those persistent thoughts, but he didn’t allow it to stop his march to breakfast, and simply nodded at Eren after receiving the usual, ‘Morning, Captain’, and proceeded on his way. He was _not_ getting himself caught up in Eren again. He just wanted some eggs, one of those delicious rolls, and a fucking cup of hot tea.

  The atmosphere in the dining hall was a bit calmer today, and quieter, thanks to it not being anyone’s birthday. And he was glad for it, feeling slightly cranky from the hunger, he knew his threshold for bullshit was low.

  Without any disruptions, he made it through his meal in record time, his stomach thanking him for finally filling it with something, and his enthusiasm over the food temporarily distracted him from Eren, who was a couple tables over.

  Though better at not ‘observing’ Eren today, Levi couldn’t completely stop himself from that need to glance at him after he had finished eating. He had made it through two paragraphs of an article, though, and that certainly was an improvement. What hadn’t improved were his skills at nonchalance and stealth, and Eren had caught him stealing glances no less than seven times, if Levi’s count was correct. Each time, the shifter would avert his eyes back down to his breakfast when their gaze would meet, but those big green eyes always moved back up, just watching him, and Levi found himself thinking that they were quite beautiful before he shook his head, and prevented himself from pinching his brow. What in the fuck was wrong with him?

  It was only after Eren left the dining hall that Levi was able to more fully relax and have his tea properly. Eren was becoming like a magnet to Levi’s eyes, and he was certain some kind of unexplainable mystical force was drawing them in Eren’s direction. They had even refused to obey him when he had endeavored to read a simply _riveting_ article in the morning’s paper regarding wheat production.

  And he had almost made it through the entire column when Hanji sat down across for him to discuss the short trip he would be going on to the abandoned building.

  “Are you ready to leave after breakfast?” Hanji asked.

  “Yeah, I only need to get some things from my quarters,” Levi answered before finishing off his tea.

“Good,” Hanji said. “I’m going to send Eren with you.”

  _Eren…_

  Levi felt his face go slack, and was thankful that it likely barely changed his expression, though he was certain his eyes had widened at the information. Fuck, fuck, fuck, what in the fuck was she doing to him? _Eren_? Of all the fucking people she could send with him, she picks Eren. Fucking Eren! It was as if the entire world was against him, and now Hanji was too. If he didn’t know better, he would swear she knew his predicament and was doing this just to makes his life a miserable living hell. He collected himself, not wanting to show anymore outward signs of his discomfort with this terrible idea. “Why Eren?”

  “Oh, it was his birthday yesterday, and he’s been restless,” she said, smiling. “I thought it would be nice for him to get out.”

  In Levi’s irritation, he almost blurted out that she had already given him delicious fucking _cookies_ , and that _he_ had given Eren an entire damn day off yesterday for his birthday, but he stopped himself --the first words ready to spill, and he pulled the tirade brewing there back from the tip of his tongue, and just closed his mouth and gritted his teeth. “Fine.”

  She regarded him curiously for a moment, but when he glared at her, she simply continued. “I sent him to get the supplies ready, he’ll be waiting for you in the stables. It shouldn’t take more than a day, so I’ll expect you two will be back tomorrow evening.”

  “Sure,” Levi stated curtly before standing, putting his teacup in the receptacle, and heading to his room. He grizzled at the thought of what his next day and a half would entail. An entire ride with Eren to the possible supply depot, then a night alone with him in some dark dusty dirty building that was probably cold, and then a ride back with him that would take most of the next day.

  Fuck. He couldn’t say anything, he was just going to have to go, and hope he could keep his head from being filled with Eren. It was going to be damn hard riding with him all day, and sleeping right next to him all night. How would he not look at him? How was he going to distract himself? He’d need a mountain of boring shitty articles to get himself through this.

  He’d survived the Underground, tons of fucking titans, but this… this was going to kill him. He was going to die. And to make matters worse, Eren was already in the stables waiting for him, and he wasn’t going to have time to jerk-off. Of course, Hanji would pick Eren, super eager fucking Eren Yeager, who would likely come looking for him if he took the time to relieve his stress before meeting him down there. His good day was quickly to turning into a bad one and the only hope to grab onto was the possibility that Eren had more of those cookies left and decided to bring them along. If he did, Levi was going to eat at least half of them in a bid to somehow start making up for this injustice. The universe owed it to him, it owed him more fucking cookies!

  Levi grabbed his rucksack and sleeping bag after entering his room, and lastly his feather duster, before he locked up and made his way to the stables. When he arrived, Eren was already there, horse tacked, and his supplies ready, waiting for him… of course.

  “Hey, Captain Levi!” Eren called, those green fucking eyes just shining at him, all sparkly and pretty and shit.

  _‘Is he always this fucking happy, or is this a new thing?’_ Levi thought, before replying. “Hey, Eren.”

  He supposed it was good Eren was happy, though. He had seen him unhappy too many times before, and now remembering that, Levi was beginning to feel like an asshole for being so grouchy about having to travel with the shifter on this _mission_. He didn’t dislike Eren in the least, in fact, he liked him quite a bit, it was only these constant thoughts that had been getting to him lately that were causing him this discomfort. As irritating as it was becoming, it wasn’t Eren’s fault, it was his own, and his own stupid mind for doing it in the first place.

  There were still appearances to keep up though, and he had to cover his feelings of guilt over his annoyance at the situation with that good old fashioned ‘Captain persona’. “Now look, Eren, we’re going to ride at a good pace and get there early enough that we can assess the location today and leave in the morning. I don’t want to hang around there long, it’s probably dusty and dirty, and I want to be back before dinner tomorrow.”

  Levi got back a salute, and a, “yes, Captain Levi,” before he got to the task of strapping his own baggage on his horse, and finished readying himself to leave, that ‘Captain Levi’ echoing uncomfortably through his head.

  “Eren, don’t call me, ‘Captain’ when it’s just us.” He didn’t know why he was telling Eren this, it sort-of just came out, but he knew he didn’t like the way, ‘Captain’ or ‘Captain Levi’ sounded coming from Eren’s mouth, especially when they were alone. There was something about the formality that bothered him, and although he couldn’t quite nail down all of his reasons for it, he knew he didn’t want to hear him say it. He didn’t care when he was addressed in that manner by others, but he hated how it sounded when it came out of Eren’s mouth.

  It was similar to how he hated seeing Eren stand at attention when he came to talk to him, or that damn defeated look he had the night before when he snapped at him about the rolls. He _really_ didn’t like that look on him at all.

  Levi watched Eren carefully as the shifter mounted his horse. No words coming at first, just those glassy eyes kind of shimmering at him. He couldn’t read his expression, perhaps he was simply puzzled. If that was the case it was fine with Levi, he was puzzled too, and he felt better not being the only one who was in a state of utter confusion. If he was going to be confused, Eren could be too, it was only fair.

  “Alright… Levi,” Eren said as Levi mounted his horse as well. Levi saw him gulp, take a deep breath, and he wanted to know what it fucking meant. Was he upset that he didn’t want to be called ‘Captain’, or was it something else? He regarded the shifter closely again, deciding he had the entire ride to ponder these questions, before he drove his horse out of the stable and onto the road, hearing Eren follow behind him.

  To Levi’s surprise, the first half of the ride hadn’t been that unsettling. Eren had kept up a nice pace, and remained rather quiet, which Levi did find a bit odd, but other than that, it had been pleasant. On the other hand, his ‘problem’ had resurfaced in full force, and he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off the shifter, finding himself looking at him constantly. He had also caught Eren looking at him each time he did so, the teen behaving as he did at breakfast, quickly averting his eyes and pretending nothing had happened, a strange awkwardness beginning to hang in the silence between them.

  After midday when Levi caught Eren glancing at him again, the notion occurred to him that it was possible Eren kept looking because _he_ couldn’t stop staring at him. Perhaps Eren had noticed Levi observing him, and was curious or disturbed by it. Maybe he thought Levi was weird, or obsessed, or was beginning to have some other strange ideas about him. He wasn’t sure what went through Eren’s head, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it, just curious, if anything.

  Eren knew he had been watching him, and Levi knew Eren knew, and Eren knew that he knew that he knew, Levi thought. He followed this line of thinking down the rabbit hole until he realized they both knew too much about each other knowing things, and decided the succession of knowing things was both infinite and stupid, then pinched his brow again, and promptly cut off those thoughts. It was too fucking confusing.

  As the day progressed it was quickly devolving into something nearing a game. Levi attempting to watch Eren, carefully, unnoticed, looking from the just the corner of his eyes, and Eren appeared to be catching on, and doing the same exact thing. Levi countered Eren’s sneakiness, shaking his head as covertly as possible, the dark strands of his hair covering his eyes, but leaving him with enough of his vison to still observe Eren.

  Eren, who he noticed again --through the hair half obscuring his view, looked older, mounted on his horse, just riding along. It was like his body had filled out with a bit of muscle seemingly overnight, and that longer hair was adding to it all. There was still something Levi couldn’t put his finger on, too, but Eren looked like a man now, instead of a kid.

  Eren, who he couldn’t stop looking at. He couldn’t see the muscles in his back or most of his arms because they were covered by his cloak, but Levi could see the muscles in his leg tense slightly as they traveled over the uneven ground. He licked his lips unconsciously, not attempting to draw his eyes away. It looked… interesting. ‘Attractive,’ if he was honest with himself. Yeah, Eren was attractive, and getting more attractive, and Levi was realizing that the person he had sort of regarded as a ‘kid’ a couple days before, was actually ‘sexy’?

  _Eren…_

  The older man understood what this was instantly, like some great epiphany, the knowledge poured forth and he felt as if all the blood was draining from his face. And of course, even after he promised himself that it wouldn’t be that kind of day, he wanted to hit himself in his own fucking face.

  He hadn’t felt anything remotely like this in a very long time, a decade at least, and it took him a while of it tumbling all over in his head to make the realization. Fucking hell, he was attracted to that fucking shifter. As much as he wanted to, he wasn’t one to deny his feelings, that would be pointless. He knew that. And even as he explored this discovery, analyzing it, testing what it meant within the confines of his head, he still couldn’t stop looking at Eren. Yeah, there was definitely an attraction, and he wondered now if it was mutual, as he caught Eren looking at him and quickly glancing away for at least the thousandth time that day.

  It was possible, very possible that Eren simply looked up to him or found him interesting, and that’s why he was watching him. Levi also reexplored the possibility that Eren sensed his attraction and was troubled by it. Perhaps he thought Levi was some old pervert. He wasn’t _old_ , but he was much older than Eren. Twice his age, and it didn’t necessarily matter that Levi appeared to be much younger, Eren could be very bothered by this.

  Levi sighed quietly. He sucked at this kind of thing. He’d never been good with relationships or romantic things or attractions to people. He was terrible at reading signs, terrible about even reading his own feelings sometimes, and he wanted to kick himself for not figuring this out earlier. He couldn’t come right out and ask Eren, and he most definitely couldn’t do something really stupid, like trying to kiss him or anything. He and Hanji hadn’t really drawn up any rules for the squad, but he didn’t know if screwing a subordinate was something he could get in trouble for, and he assumed he probably could, before finally deciding that for now he would simply observe, and go from there.

  Levi thought of Eren for the rest of the ride; the recognition of his feelings or attraction, seeming to have just intensified everything. It wasn’t only looks now, or thinking of him. No, that fucking green-eyed beauty swirled through his head so differently now, leaving Levi with a warm happy feeling he grappled trying to describe or understand. And it didn’t end even when they arrived at the abandoned building in late afternoon, found the stable still intact, and secured their horses there before grabbing their belongings and venturing to the building.

  “It doesn’t look bad from here, Cap-- Levi,” Eren said as they arrived at a heavy wooden door, correcting himself when he almost addressed Levi as ‘Captain’.

  Levi watched the shifter closely, wondering how in the fuck he went from that awkward quiet ride stealing glances at one another to talking about a pile of wood and stone. It was like getting fucked without a kiss, and Levi decided Eren was either the most oblivious person in the entire world, or he was a whole lot better at playing these kinds of games than he was. Either possibility sucked, Levi decided before gritting his teeth and deciding it was best to concentrate on the job they were there to do.

  “We’ll have to check the structure and doors, see if it has a basement, but it appears promising.” He moved forward, pushing against the heavy wooden door, the stupid thing refusing to budge until Eren moved up to help.

  Stepping inside, they found it was dusty and dirty --as Levi predicted, and furniture had been pushed in front of the door.

  “No wonder it was so hard to open.” Eren moved forward into the space, a large room with a table at the center, and took off his cloak.

  Levi’s eyes immediately went to his ass, and he decided he shouldn’t hit himself in his own face, but ram it into a wall.

  “Start cleaning and inspecting the downstairs, I’m going to see what’s up above.” Levi had to get away from Eren, he wasn’t going to get anything done at this rate, and that would mean more time spent in the abandoned building, which meant more time spent alone with Eren. Something he was sure was a _very_ bad idea right now.

  He moved up the stone steps after depositing his cloak and jacket on the table along with Eren’s, covered his mouth, and grabbed his feather duster. There wasn’t going to be time to properly clean, but he had to get rid of some of the dust.

  He busied himself with checking doors and windows while dusting, and Levi found his mind once again turning to Eren. He could hear him downstairs cleaning, and occasionally banging around and humming to himself, and he knew what he’d find when he had finished and returned downstairs; a super happy Eren, all proud of himself for cleaning sufficiently. He was always so eager to please him, and Levi wondered if there was more to that as he stepped out of a second story door onto the rampart to check the outside of the building and steal some time to clear his head before he went back downstairs.

  When he returned, he found the large room on the first floor cleaner than he expected, Eren tending to a fire in the hearth, the tea kettle already hanging above the flames. If the teen was trying to make it hard for Levi to stop thinking of him, he was doing a damn good job of it. He couldn’t even leave one tiny reason for Levi to at least be annoyed with him? No, he had to be perfect, and have exceeded Levi’s cleaning expectations. The guy even had gotten the tea kettle out, and their dinner items.

  “Everything upstairs seems solid. What did you find down here?” Levi asked, trying to keep their conversation strictly business related, despite his desire not to.

  “I think it’s going to work out good for a supply depot. I cleaned it up as best I could,” Eren answered. “Do you want tea, Levi?”

  “Thanks, Eren.” ‘Strictly business’ wasn’t working. Levi’s chest got all fluttery at that, and he groaned inwardly at the very slight smile that he felt playing at his lips. Eren was going to make him tea, and he looked so fucking happy about it. Just sitting there in front of the fireplace, smiling at him, and those eyes… What the fuck was with those eyes? They weren’t like anyone else’s eyes, it was as if they spoke to him, stirred something deep down inside, they just smiled right along with the rest of Eren’s face.  

  Eren had even taken the liberty of setting out their bedrolls and sleeping bags near the hearth, and Levi wondered as he sat down in a chair Eren had placed by the fire if Eren was trying to impress him, because he sure as hell was doing a good job of it. He had cleaned fantastically --especially the sleeping area, and had now offered him tea.

  And he hadn’t even screwed that up either, Levi noted when he took his first sip. Eren could make a damn good pot of tea, and once again he couldn’t find fault with the teen no matter how much he would have liked to.

  “This is good, Eren,” Levi said, trying to make some kind of conversation. That awkward silence was creeping in again, and it was just too heavy.

  Not surprising to Levi, Eren was overjoyed with his compliment. “Thanks, Levi!”

  “So, what do you think about the expedition outside the walls in the spring?”

  And there were those bright happy eyes again. “Maybe we’ll find the ocean.”

  Levi almost laughed, Eren was so sure it existed. “Do you really think it’s there?”

  “It has to be, it was in the books.”

  “I mean, do you think it’s really how it was described. A giant lake with salty water?” Levi asked.

  Eren was quiet for a moment, his face taking on that contemplative determination Levi had seen so many times before on the shifter. “I do. If it’s not like the books said or not there at all, then it means we don’t really know anything. And after everything, we just have to know something of the truth.”

  “Yeah.” Levi was starting to hate that they’d travelled into this conversation. In the present, there was a calm, but it was a calm before a storm if they were right, and sometimes the thought of that bore down on him like a million tons. Especially when he thought about Eren’s shifting abilities, and what they now believed his eventual fate would be.

  It wasn’t fair, and Eren hadn’t broken down about it, or fallen apart, but sometimes, when Levi thought about it, he felt like it would break him. He never showed it, or said anything about it, but when he was alone, just thinking, the idea tore him up inside.

  “Levi?” Eren asked, pulling Levi from his thoughts, which he was grateful for.

  “What?”

  “Do you think we can win?”

  “I don’t know.” He was silent for a minute, he wouldn’t lie to Eren, sugar coat everything for his benefit. It wasn’t something he did, but it wouldn’t work on the shifter anyway. “All we can do is fight. A lot of shit has happened that we thought we would never survive, and we did.”

  Eren was quiet at that, the awkwardness that had settled between them now replaced with that familiar discomfort that they had felt so many times before. The discomfort of uncertainty, made all the worse for Levi because of those irksome feelings he was developing for Eren.

  It carried over through their dinner of toast and some vegetables Eren had cooked. Although, Levi noticed Eren had stopped looking so dejected, and was back to glancing at him every chance he got, and after their conversation, Levi didn’t much care anymore. If the shifter wanted to look at him, he sure as hell could look at him. Who was he to keep getting annoyed with it, especially when he was doing the exact same thing. He didn’t even object when they had laid down on their sleeping bags and Eren turned on his side, facing him, just gazing at him with those fucking green eyes again.

  “Do you need something, Eren?” Levi asked. He wasn’t going to make a big deal about Eren staring at him, but he had to say something.

  “Do you want a cookie?” Eren whispered.

  So Eren had brought the fucking cookies! “Yeah, if you have enough to share.”

  Levi kept his excitement well-hidden as Eren shifted just a bit, reached up into his bag that was set above his head, and pulled out a tin. He opened it up and set it between them. “This is what’s left. Have as many as you want.”

  “Thanks,” Levi said as he reached in and took one of the cookies, deciding he wouldn’t eat half of them like he had planned. He leaned back, contemplating if Eren maybe had just been staring at him wondering if he wanted a cookie, and he had misjudged the possible reasoning. But when Eren laid back down, it was clear to Levi that the shifter had given up any pretense of hiding his looks, and he glanced at him now and then, their eyes meeting with Levi trying to keep that stupid smirk from popping onto his face.

  His sighed inwardly. If he was better at this kind of thing, he probably would have reached out and taken the teen’s hand in his own, then waited to see what Eren would do next, but he wasn’t good at this. He was a fucking idiot when it came to this. Someone his age should be able to tell if someone was attracted to them, but not him, he berated himself silently, before stuffing the rest of his cookie in his mouth.

  He looked over at Eren again, who was still just lying there watching him, that stupid fluttering back in his chest when their eyes met again. He’d take this for now, and figure it out later. The feeling wasn’t going to just go away, and he had time. They didn’t have all the time in the world, but surely, they had some.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It got a little feelsy and fluffy toward the end, I can't help it. It's where those two seem to like to go when I write them. :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed. <3 <3 <3


	3. Awkward Moments and Stale Bread

  The next morning arrived, strange in contrast to the morning before. Levi wasn’t starving to death, thanks to the dinner Eren prepared the night before, and he didn’t feel as uncomfortable as he had the previous morning, despite feeling annoyingly dingy in this place. As if he was coated in a thin layer of grime, and it was barely what one could call pleasant. He hadn’t bathed the evening before as he usually did, and the structure he had slept in was dank and cold and smelled moldy.

  Then there was that irritating problem his dick presented. He had ignored it the morning before, which normally would have meant he’d have taken care of himself before his evening bath, but he hadn’t been able to do that either, and now he felt as if he was about to erupt.

  Eren was sleeping only a foot away from him, and even in the dimness of the room, he could make out the outline of his face, and its features framed by that mop of lovely bed hair. He was still turned toward him, and what in the hell was he going to do? Jerk-off with Eren right there? Especially after his realization the day before… it was out of the fucking question.

  He wanted to smack his head back against the shitty stone floor they were laid out on and get back to sleep, but that thing wasn’t going to go down even if he did knock himself out. He was aching, it almost hurt, and he had no way to hide the insistent bastard either. He had to get up, but that presented another problem. If Eren were to awaken and see him, he’d see the fucking thing in his pants that had, of course, wedged itself sideways in the most overt way possible, pointing conspicuously towards his left pocket.

  Their pants were so tight, he groused; the worst fucking pants in the world to get a boner in… ever, and he cursed them to hell as he unbuttoned his fly as carefully and discreetly as possible, then wrestled his cock up against his stomach and buttoned his fly back up, securing the demanding appendage there.

  The next order of business was to slowly, carefully, and quietly as possible get the fuck out of his sleeping bag and find somewhere private to fix his _problem_. It was beyond any form of help at that point, other than taking care of it directly, but he didn’t need Eren asking him where he was going. Of course, he could tell the shifter to ‘fuck off’ and to stay in the building, go wherever he wanted, and he wouldn’t follow, but he’d rather avoid that awkward scene if at all possible.

  Slowly, he began sliding out of his sleeping bag without unsnapping it, the sound would definitely wake Eren. Unfortunately, this left him shimmying himself out onto the floor, and he cringed, knowing there was no way it was clean enough for him to want to be dragging himself across it. When he got his feet free, he cautiously shifted them beneath himself, flat on the floor, and in some feat of great mastery over his muscles, rose without making a sound and came to stand. He looked over at Eren once more, without moving, observing how peaceful he looked, before quietly tiptoeing to the end of his sleeping bag and fetching his boots, then continued past the table, took up his cloak, and went up the stairs to the door that led out onto the ramparts. When he made it, he quietly put his boots on, threw his cloak around his shoulders, and with the slow precision of a surgeon, opened the door to the outside.

  Once his escape was complete, he secured the door as gingerly as possible, let out the breath he had been holding, and leaned forward, bracing his hands against his thighs. This was fucking _absurd_ , sneaking out of a dirty building like some kind of prowler with a hard-on. He felt like a teenager, this was the kind of problem Eren should be having, not him, and then he wondered… what if Eren had the same problem? The shifter would probably be the type to try to take care of it with him right there. It wouldn’t have been the first time he’d walked in on some brat attending to themselves, or sometimes someone else.

  It just happened when they were constantly in places where they had no privacy, but Levi always acted as if he’d hadn’t seen it, the brats had enough to worry about without him embarrassing them over such a thing, but catching Eren doing something like that, when it was just the two of them here… well, that shit was quickly becoming outstanding material for getting rid of that persistent ache in his cock.

  He walked to his right along the rampart, heading around a corner. If Eren did come looking for him, he’d hear the door open and would at least have a moment to button up his pants. When he reached the northern wall, he leaned back, freed himself hastily, sucking in a breath at the far too cold air touching such a sensitive part of his body, and grasped himself.

  He was going to do this quickly and efficiently, it wasn’t for enjoyment anymore, it was simple necessity. It hurt and he needed to piss.

  He closed his eyes, that image that danced through his head of Eren only moments before, summoned involuntarily into his mind’s eye, and Levi just went with it. His intention had been to move at a quick pace and just get it over with, but that vision he had conjured caused him to slow. He ran long strokes up and down over his flesh, savoring the feel of his hand gliding over the velvety skin, before teasing the head of his cock a little with his thumb and tugging at his foreskin, drawing a low hiss from his lips.

  He could see himself doing this to Eren, hear the sounds he would pull out of the shifter, watch his face contort in pleasure, see the rise and fall of his chest as he gasped for breath, perhaps hear his name cross his lips. That would be fucking beautiful, and seeing those eyes during it all. Those eyes that he already couldn’t get enough of looking at, gazing back at him, clouded with arousal, glassy and sparkling. He could only imagine what they would look like when he had an orgasm. Beautiful, indeed.

  At that thought, his pace quickened, it was more than he could take, and he let out the moan he had been trying to hold in through gritted teeth, then loosened his grip, twisting his hand a couple times before he felt his entire body tense, his heels coming off the ground as his legs stiffened, back bowing, and came all over his hand, fantasies of Eren arching beneath him still in his head.

  Letting his softening cock hang there for a moment, Levi kept his eyes closed, inhaling deep breaths, his mind beginning to reel from the realization that he just jerked-off while fantasizing about Eren. And he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. On one hand, it had been pretty damn nice, and pretty damn hot. On the other, he felt like his attraction to Eren had now crossed into something else. It was one thing to admire his body, or those eyes, those gorgeous eyes, or even want to hold his hand or some mushy shit like that, but he had just gone and fucked himself in what turned out to be an extremely satisfying way while imagining himself jerking the teen off.

  He opened his eyes and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, then wiped off his hand, before noting he’d gotten cum on his fucking pants. He groaned internally as he scrubbed it away, and stuffed the cloth back into his pocket. Disgusting.

  Taking care of one last thing, he moved up to the edge of the stone wall, and pissed over the side onto the ground below.

  “Fucking finally,” he mumbled, before securing the fly of his pants and walking back inside the building.

  Relieved that his dick and bladder no longer felt as if they were going to burst, he went quietly downstairs and found a still sleeping Eren sprawled out on the floor. Of course, he’d still be asleep. He wanted to leave, but it was early, the sun had barely come up yet, and he could let the teen have some more time.

  At the very least it would give him a chance to think, process what he had just done, and what it meant. He wasn’t going to strip down to his underwear to work out this morning, not with Eren there, and _not_ in that dirty place, but he took off his shirt, and tugged his sleeping bag and bed roll a bit farther away from Eren, then laid down to do his morning routine.

  He started with sit-ups, hoping a few rigorous sets would allow him to work off some of the nervous energy his thoughts were generating, but it seemingly only had the opposite effect. It was waking him up more, a shot of adrenaline to his system, and only caused him to think of the shifter more. And not only thinking about him, but thinking about him the same way he had been when he was out on the ramparts. Not in some dirty lusty way either, but something more sweet and gentle than that.

  He was lying on his back for the purpose of the exercise, but Levi could envision Eren sitting astride him, his fingers moving up to trace the muscles on the shifter’s torso slowly, appreciatively, drinking him in, watching his face, and just staring up into those eyes.

  Levi looked over at Eren sleeping, his face was so free of concern or any of that excitable anger that was present so often when he was awake, and he was _exquisite_ , and something in Levi wanted to just wrap himself around him, protect him, and make him always look that tranquil. This wasn’t anything particularly new. Levi had always wanted to protect Eren, from the first time he encountered him and custody of the teen had been given over to him essentially. He had _always_ endeavored to do so since then. He knew this, but he had always written it off as being part of his duty, and partly out of guilt for beating him up in the courtroom.

  Levi recoiled at that memory even now. He knew he had done it to save him and it had been necessary, but he already was aware that he’d never actually fully forgive himself for it.

  Something was different now, though, or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe he’d had these feelings for Eren the entire time, and they recently intensified to the point where he couldn’t ignore them anymore. All Levi knew was that he wasn’t going to be able to endure in this state, just floundering with this draw toward Eren, not knowing if he had similar feelings or not.

  Still, as easy as it was to fantasize about the shifter, or think about simply holding him, Levi knew that he wasn’t good at all with this shit. He could never be so smooth and good at those things like he was in his fantasies. He couldn’t even find the courage to touch Eren’s hand the night before, regardless that the teen was laying there watching him with an unfaltering gaze for the entire night until he fell asleep.

  When Levi thought about that again, he suspected it was possible that Eren held some bit of affection for him that crossed into a romantic inclination, but Levi was lost as to how he could go about finding out. Taking the chance of making it known and creating some kind of disaster was unacceptable. Not only because it would hurt -he’d get over it _eventually_ , but it would make working with him difficult, perhaps even dangerous. What if Eren wouldn’t be able to trust him anymore? Even worse, what if he hated him for it?

  He didn’t have any easy answers, he mused, as he glanced over at Eren again. This time the teen’s eyes were open, and he was just watching him. It almost startled Levi up into a sitting position, but he looked back up at the ceiling instead. He couldn’t watch him watching him. Not when he was laying there with his shirt off, and Eren was just fucking studying him with that sweet expression on his face, a very slight smile, and those eyes; bright beautiful fucking green eyes looking so closely at him. Levi was sure he could gaze into them for hours and never get bored.

  Glancing back again, quickly, as quickly as possible from the corner of his eyes, he saw Eren had not relented, and something about the thought of him watching him like this, half-dressed was beginning to cause a familiar heat to bloom low in his stomach. If he didn’t stop now, he was going to get hard again. He was going to get aroused with the fucking shifter watching him, _because_ he was watching him.

 Levi sat up abruptly before rising and tugging his shirt back on, and he almost snapped at Eren out of frustration, but instead walked over to the hearth to make tea. “Tea and some breakfast, and then we leave?”

 Levi almost hit himself as he heard his voice echo off the walls of the mostly empty room. Had he seriously just _asked_ Eren if he was agreeable to tea and breakfast and then leaving? Asked him? He was the fucking Captain, what the hell was he doing?

  “Yeah,” Eren answered as he sat up, rubbing his eyes, and Levi couldn’t stop looking at him. He was damn adorable, his hair all a mess, those enchanting eyes blinking open and closed as he reacclimated himself to wakefulness.

  Levi hung the kettle over the fire and began buttoning up his shirt, trying not to look at Eren as he emerged from his sleeping bag and stretched. It was almost working until Levi chanced glancing at him again, and noticed he was sporting the same problem he had earlier in the morning… and Eren was just _ignoring_ it.

  He didn’t excuse himself and go outside under the guise of taking a piss, he didn’t walk upstairs and say he was going to make certain they didn’t leave anything up there, no. Instead he retrieved the harness for his gear, and started to put that back on. Eren was walking around with his morning wood, the thing stuck down his pant leg, and was beginning to buckle straps around his body in front of Levi like it was fucking nothing. Just getting ready to leave as if that bulge in his pants didn’t exist.

  Levi couldn’t look away, and his eyes widened in a mix of shock and something at that moment unnamable when he saw Eren adjust the thing that was trying to so hard to stand at attention because it was in the way of his top fucking thigh strap.

  Fucking hell, he just slid his hand right in his pants, right in front of him, pulled that fucker up, and finished buckling the straps around his legs, and Levi was sure he was going to forget to breathe if he didn’t keep telling himself to.

  The scene was preposterous, something Levi would be quietly amused observing if it was happening to someone else, but it wasn’t. It was happening to him. The last three days had been unbelievable, and the insanity was mounting. If he didn’t know better, he’d swear he was dreaming. This couldn’t possibly be real. He was being punished for something by some unforgiving trickster God. He didn’t believe in that shit, but still, if there was one, he had probably done enough awful shit in his life to deserve it.

  He pinched his brow, wavering between saying something or not. He knew if this was anyone else, any man under his command other than Eren, he’d tell him to go take care of that shit and stop disrupting everyone’s good morning with their dick, but this wasn’t any other person, it was Eren. _Fucking,_ _Eren_.

  Subtlety was probably the way to go, so Levi cleared his throat a bit, loudly, obviously, and Eren looked up at him questioningly.

  “Need something, Levi?”

  Levi only stared at him, glancing down at that thing for a moment then back up at his face.

  “Huh?” Eren didn’t get it. Of course, he didn’t.

  “Isn’t there something you need to take care of?”

  Eren looked around, still obviously confused, and Levi figured Eren probably thought he was just being an evasive dickhead for the sake of it. “I don’t think so.”

  Levi glared down at Eren’s cock again, longer this time, hoping, praying he would get the fucking message without him actually having to say it. God, how he did not want to say it.

  “Oh. Oh!” Eren yelped, his cheeks coloring a blush so deep Levi felt immediately guilty. “I… I don’t need to, Cap- I mean, Levi. It will go away.”

  Now he felt like an asshole… again, he’d scared Eren into almost calling him ‘Captain’, and he _hated_ that. He should have just kept his mouth shut. Now he had to fix it, and fix it without it being completely apparent that he felt like shit. He turned toward the kettle that was hot enough it was nearly whistling, leaving Eren some space, and allowing him to get out from under his gaze. “You’re sure? If you need to do something, go do it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and it’s not as if I haven’t seen men wake up with that particular problem before, or haven’t myself.”

  He heard Eren shift, and he still didn’t turn around, only started preparing tea, they could have this conversation without eye contact. It was better that way. Much better considering that Levi truly wanted to help Eren with that problem himself. Although, he was certain that would be an extremely inappropriate offer, and if he was honest with himself, he knew he had no idea how to offer that without sounding like a complete fuck up.

  “It’s fine. I’d rather just have my breakfast,” Eren said, embarrassment still coming through in his voice.

  “Come have your tea, then.”

  Levi heard Eren come over, saw him sit down in the other chair beside him out of the corner of his eye, knew he was pouring himself some tea, but now he couldn’t look. He’d messed up, and he’d gone from being unable to tear his eyes away from Eren, to being unable to look at him. He wanted to smack himself, he had to fix this.

  He slid over a plate of bread, still not looking at Eren, a peace offering of stale shitty bread with no butter. He sucked so much. Eren made him roasted vegetables the previous night, and all he could muster was dry bread to say ‘sorry’. Fuck.

  Fuck, fuck, fuck. They were going to have to have a conversation about this.

  Summoning all the inner courage he had, Levi turned toward Eren, and as soon as he looked at him, he felt like a bigger asshole, if that was possible. The shifter was sitting there, looking down into his teacup, making that face. Levi knew the face. It was his ‘disappointed in himself’ face, and Levi _hated_ that face. Hated even more that he was the one responsible for it being there. And shit, he’d made him feel so bad that his ‘problem’ was clearly gone now. Levi was a fucking bastard, such a bastard that he had deflated poor Eren’s dick.

  “I’m sorry for what I said, Eren.” He waited until Eren’s eyes met his, it made this exceedingly more difficult, but he needed him to see he was being sincere. “It wasn’t my intention to embarrass you.”

  Levi watched him, that blush was still there, but he managed a small laugh. That was good, definitely good. “You have your own quarters. The rest of us, we all kind of just have to put up with that in the morning. There’s not much privacy.”

  Levi hadn’t considered that, and he supposed it made sense. In fact, he should have known better. He’d been out in the field for days on end camping wherever they could, long enough that he most definitely knew better. It made complete sense, and it was fucking awful. The poor brats couldn’t get a moment to themselves. He could just imagine what it was like, a bunch of hormonal teenagers walking around, waking up in a communal barracks, morning wood everywhere, and no real way to do anything about it. “I didn’t think, Eren.”

  At that Eren raised his head, truly surprised by what Levi had admitted. Usually Eren was the one telling Levi that he ‘didn’t think’, but this was Levi, Captain Levi telling Eren _he_ didn’t think.

  Levi watched as Eren slowly swallowed, and let out another awkward little laugh. “Some things about the dungeon were nicer.”

  “I can imagine.” Eren had essentially admitted to Levi that he preferred the dungeon because he could jerk-off in the morning. It was too much, too fucking much, and Levi knew he had to veer this conversation off course because it was moving into vastly uncharted territory, and Levi didn’t much like uncharted territory these days, it tended to end badly. “If we make good time we should be back before dinner.”

  “I’m looking forward to a bath.”

  Interesting. Levi was also looking forward to a bath, he wanted that before he even had food. This was a detail that didn’t go unnoticed by the Captain, he revered cleanliness, and Eren doing so as well… well, that was another of the mounting reasons to consider taking action regarding whatever this feeling he had toward Eren was. He was good at cleaning, had beautiful eyes, liked baths, his body was more than nice to look at, that mop of hair was cute too, and all of that was in addition to the things Levi admired about Eren as a person. His fierce determination, his sense of loyalty, that inextinguishable fire inside of him. The more Levi thought on it, the more perfect Eren was becoming, and he was beginning to wonder how it had taken him so long to put all the pieces together. It seemed so painfully obvious now.

  Levi noticed Eren had stopped watching him so openly since the earlier incident, but he was still taking advantage of glancing at him when he could while they had breakfast. It was that quiet, wordless game again, and Levi cursed not having his newspaper full of boring articles, not that it would have been simple to hide behind it with only the two of them there. The silence was heavy, and he wanted to make some kind of conversation at least, there was a tension rising between them, not an angry tension, or something that was necessarily uncomfortable, but it was tangible, and it left him wanting to flee back to HQ all the sooner.

  Eren was still wearing that endearing blush, and it darkened even as he dared to take a longer look at Levi before getting to his feet and announcing he was going to pack up. Perhaps Eren, too, was sensing that thickness that had crept in between them. It wasn’t that Levi wanted to so much be away from Eren, but he _needed_ to be away from him, alone, so he couldn’t blame the shifter if he wanted to get out on the road as well. It was possible he was feeling similarly.

  They packed up quickly, neither man saying much as they did a once over of the building, and went outside. Eren left first, and Levi did one last sweep before retrieving the now cool tea kettle. When he opened the door, he was greeted by the sight of Eren running frantically back up to the building, yelling.

  “Levi! Levi, your horse is gone,” Eren called as he skidded to a stop in front of him.

  What in the fuck?

  It took Levi a moment to process the information, the claim was so unbelievable. And he just stood there, all his shit slung over his shoulder, tea kettle and his feather duster in either hand.

  “Eren, did you just say my horse was gone?”

  “Yes. It’s not there.”

  What the fuck, indeed.

  He could feel his anger rising, but there was a touch of something else as well. Something that made him want to burst out with maniacal laughter.

  He began marching over to the stable, sure there had to be some kind of horrible mistake. “It has to be there.”

  He could hear Eren behind him, right on his heels. “I looked, it’s nowhere to be found.”

  When he arrived at the stable he looked in, dropped all his shit on the ground, and kicked the stable door. “It’s not fucking here!”

  “That’s what I said.”

  “I tied it off, where the fuck could it have gone?” Levi yelled.

  Eren flinched, and Levi could tell he wanted to say something, but was staying quiet, likely because he was currently being scary as hell. Eren hadn’t seen him angry like this for some time since he hadn’t been prone to emotional outbursts recently, but this pissed him off to no end. His horse was missing, they didn’t have an extra, and judging by the fact that the horse stayed long enough to eat all its food, he probably had somehow fucked up tying the beast off due to his preoccupation the day before.

  “It might have gotten spooked and gone back to HQ,” Eren said softly, tentatively, and Levi hated that he was making Eren so jumpy.

  He took a deep breath. “I’m not angry with you, Eren.”

  At that the shifter looked relieved. “It’s okay, we can take my horse, maybe yours found its way back.”

  Take Eren’s horse? This was perfect. They’d be stuck on a horse together all day, Eren’s thighs all up against his, framing them, because there was no damn way Levi was riding on the back. He was shorter and it wasn’t his horse, but he was older and a better rider. Eren was definitely going on the back. He considered again the existence of the trickster God who clearly hated his ass, and picked up his belongings, made his way over to Eren’s horse and dropped his shit on the ground. It was the ground, but he didn’t currently care.

  “Get everything ready, I’m going to look around and see if it didn’t wander too far.” He knew he probably wasn’t going to find it. “You’re on the back, Eren.”

  Eren didn’t argue, just gave him a half-assed salute, which Levi also hated, and went to securing their gear.

  He climbed the hill next to the stables, pulling out his binoculars, and scanned the horizon a full 360 degrees. He knew he wasn’t going to see it, that wouldn’t make any sense. It wouldn’t go along with theme of the stunning week he’d been having. Of course, it wasn’t there, but he had to look. What he really wanted to do was kick the shit out of that stable door until it was broken off its hinges, and then burn the whole fucking thing to the ground, but Hanji wouldn’t be too happy with him if he did that. And there would be that nasty of detail of having to swear Eren to secrecy, which he was sure he would honor, but that would be a shitty position to put the teen in. He had already sworn him to secrecy twice this week, once for giving him the day off, and a second time for that dinner roll caper. A third time just wouldn’t be right.

  No, it was a terrible idea, and it flitted away like ash in the wind as acceptance of the situation began to settle within him. He couldn’t even be angry anymore, he was too tired to be angry. Not physically, but mentally, emotionally. He’d had enough, and the sooner they got moving, the sooner he could lock himself away in his quarters, decompress, and figure out why his luck was such utter shit.

  Trudging down the hill, Levi found Eren standing outside the stable that he currently wanted to set on fire, horse tacked and loaded up, waiting for him. Despite the situation, there was at least dutiful Eren there, who he was grateful to for not making the situation worse.

  “Good job,” Levi said before pulling himself up in the saddle, and extending his hand to Eren. The gesture wasn’t good for his Eren ‘problem’, but it was the least he could do, especially with the precariousness of trying to get up on a saddle made for one with a bunch of gear tied to it. The shifter settled in behind him, forced to slide right up against his back and ass with the gear they had tied to the back. Levi swallowed hard, and gritted his teeth as he felt Eren’s thighs tense around his.

  “I got the gear on there so we’d have the most room possible. I did my best.” Eren was nervous, Levi could tell, and he didn’t want to do anything that would make it worse for him. This wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t Eren’s horse that had taken off, it was his.

  “It’s fine,” Levi said as he pressed the horse forward at a pace faster than they had traveled the day before. He wanted this ride to go as fast as humanly possible, and he hoped beyond all hope that Eren didn’t put his arms around him. If he went as fast he wanted to, Eren definitely would, or he’d fall off, so Levi had to be careful about his speed.

  As the day wore on, another dilemma surfaced, they were going at a gallop, not nearly as fast as possible, but fast enough that Eren had to hold on somehow, and since he wasn’t using his hands, he was using his legs, squeezing Levi with them, and leaning forward against his back to keep leverage. He could feel Eren’s breath against his neck, and the warm tickling sensation was almost more than he could bear, nearly making him shiver. Levi could smell him too, and regardless that they hadn’t bathed in a day, he didn’t smell bad. There was still a hint of soap, and that smell of just Eren. Levi had noticed it enough times before when he had been in close proximity to him to know that scent was all him. Sweet, and sort of spicy with something like wind mixed in there if he had to find a way to describe it. Whatever it was, it was fucking intoxicating.

  Levi senses were filling with the shifter, none of it the least bit unpleasant, and that’s what made it all so terrible and wonderful all at once. He didn’t know if he was imagining it, but he was sure Eren’s breathing had increased, and he could almost, just barely feel the quickened beat of his heart against his back, and Levi wondered if Eren was experiencing the same problem as him.

  In addition, Eren was quiet, which was so unlike him. Usually he would have expected the younger man to talk his ear off during the duration of the trip, but he’d been very closed-mouth since the day before. It was possible he couldn’t think of anything to say, given their situation, but still…

  There had to be a solution to the awkwardness. Levi had to do something. Eren was pressed up against him, and it felt so nice, and all it did was make him want to hold that fucking brat, and when he turned his head and looked back, he saw Eren’s chin almost pressed against his shoulder, and he wanted him to close that distance, and get farther away all at the same time. Would it be so bad if he told him he could hang onto him?

  It would be a risk, but if Eren seemed averse to it, it could easily be explained away. He could claim it felt as if he was losing his balance and he didn’t want him to fall off. If he did want to pursue the possibility of a relationship with Eren, if he was seriously considering this, wouldn’t this be the proper action to take?

  He was going to do it, he was definitely going to do it, he just needed to build up a little more courage. His heart beat wildly, and his mouth went dry, but after three false starts of his lips opening and closing soundlessly, he finally ventured speech and called over his shoulder to Eren. “You can… you can hang on if you need to.”

  Had he just fucking stuttered?

  Eren slid closer if that was possible, and Levi swore he heard him squeak. “You mean hold onto _you_?”

  “Yeah, me. So you don’t fall off.”

  Eren’s hands were on Levi’s hips before he had finished his sentence, and he could feel them grasp him softly, shakily, probably not hard enough to even keep Eren on the saddle any better, but it didn’t matter, they were there. And Levi imagined they’d feel much nicer wrapped all the way around him, but he wasn’t pushing his luck. He had just made an important step in being a normal human being who could pursue a relationship with his much younger subordinate, and he was quite pleased with himself.

  Perhaps this was just the beginning of Captain Levi finally learning how to flirt. Maybe the day _was_ getting better.

  By the time they were entering the gate to the city, Levi had slowed the horse, and Eren was still holding onto him. Only now, his fingers had begun tensing occasionally, sometimes Levi felt as if he was toying with edge of his belt and the waist of his pants, and the older man would feel one of Eren’s thumbs skim over his lower back. The touch was delicate, almost not there, but still shaky like his hands had been when he had first placed them there in the afternoon. It was so strikingly different from Eren’s normally brash and volatile exuberance, this gentleness, the almost chaste hesitance present in those touches.

  Levi wanted to see more of this side of Eren, discover how far it went. Was he a completely different person deep down inside from that younger man he had met nearly a year before? Was all that loud high-strung excitability truly him, or was he something else? Levi suspected he was all of these things.

  Too lost in his excitement over Eren petting his back, and Eren apparently just as engrossed in something that wasn’t their surroundings, neither man noticed Jean, Mikasa, and Hanji waiting outside of HQ when they arrived.

  “We were concerned something may have happened to you two.” Hanji called. “Your horse came wandering back here nearly an hour ago.”

  So the fucking thing had probably taken off shortly before they got set to leave, typical. At least they hadn’t lost a horse, Levi thought. He could get angry about his luck again, but Levi was _not_ going to get pissed off about anything else today. They had returned, the horse had returned, Eren was fondling his back, and a bath and food were waiting on the horizon. He was definitely not getting pissed.

  Except maybe at Jean, who was laughing at Eren because the teen was still up on the horse holding onto him.

  “Fuck off, Horse-face!”

  Of course, Eren was off the horse in second, threatening to kick Jean’s ass, and Mikasa was right behind them to play referee. The fucking shifter even forgot about all his gear, and Levi only sighed.

  “Nothing happened to us,” Levi explained, looking at Hanji, who was ignoring the younger member’s shenanigans as Levi dismounted from the horse, took its reigns, and headed around to the stables with her following behind. “The fucking horse was gone this morning.”

  “How did that happen? Do you think someone did it on purpose?” Hanji asked.

  “No. I probably didn’t have it secured good enough,” he admitted.

  “That’s not like you.”

  “No shit,” Levi agreed. “It’s been a strange week.”

  “You’re back now, and the week’s almost over. If you and Eren could get me that report tomorrow, it would help.” She smiled. “What were your cursory impressions?”

  “It looked good aside from being a dirty vile place. I’ll get you that report tomorrow. I just want a bath right now.”

  “Have a good night, then,” she said before disappearing out of sight.

  It was the first moment he’d had to himself in the last day and half, and as much as it was what he thought he wanted for most of the last day, it felt empty now. Painfully silent, and that weird tension now absent with Eren gone to probably punch Jean, was replaced with a touch of longing.

  Levi supposed it was a good turn of events, though. He’d have time to think, and even drop that brat’s shit off to him in the barracks, since he was feeling a little generous right now.

  Once he’d freed everything from Eren’s horse, and secured it in the stable, making sure it was extra super secure and checking it three fucking times, he entered HQ, and trudged up the stairs to that communal shithole Eren was stuck in. He didn’t knock, he was the Captain, and he wasn’t knocking –he never did.

  Of course, just his luck, he found Eren in there, half undressed, shirt gone, fly open. Staring at him like he just grew a second fucking head.

  “You forgot your shit, Eren.” Now he was the one staring like Eren had grown a second head, and there was no way Eren didn’t notice the way Levi’s eyes moved down from that nicely sculpted chest, over his abs, past that dark line of hair under his navel, and settled below to where he could see the top of his pubic hair. If those pants had fallen a centimeter lower, he’d being seeing the very base of his dick.

  Eren didn’t seem to feel any more comfortable either, his cheeks were bright red, and he almost tripped over his boots that were tossed on the floor by his bunk as he came to stand in front of Levi who was still ogling him, then quickly took his things. “I… I’m… I’m so sorry, Captain. I didn’t think.”

  “I said to use my name, there’s no one else in here, Eren.” Levi was pushing it and he knew it, but he really didn’t want to hear, ‘Captain’ out of Eren’s mouth when he was standing in front of him looking like _that_.

  “Sorry. I didn’t think again, Levi.”

  “You’ll get it eventually,” Levi said, smiling slightly, not liking that look of disappointment on Eren’s face again. He wasn’t angry with him, and he needed him to know that. “Enjoy your bath.”

  “You too, thanks.”

  He turned and left the half-dressed, blushing shifter in his room, and closed the door behind him. His heart felt as if it was going to come through his chest, and if he was honest with himself, he’d have liked to have met Eren down in the dining hall for a late dinner after he bathed, but he couldn’t take looking at him half naked anymore. His senses were overloaded with Eren, his fucking legs hurt from the ride, he needed to jerk-off… again, and most importantly, he needed time to analyze everything that had occurred in the past two days.

  He’d probably end up going in circles and discover no clearer answer than any of the others he had come up with so far, but he had an inkling, just a small notion tugging in his chest, that perhaps it wasn’t wishful thinking, and Eren may very well like him a little bit too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost named this chapter 'Awkward Boners', but I decided to be a little more refined. These two are such dorks in this story, and I am so excited to write the next couple chapters where we will have some more interaction between the two. :D
> 
> I hope you liked it, let me know what you think if you feel like it. And thank you so much for reading! <3 <3 <3


	4. Hands on the Clock

  Unlike the past three mornings, this one had been uneventful thus far, and Levi wasn’t certain if he was being blessed with an easy day, or if it was a product of his revelation while on the trip with Eren. He hadn’t woken up too early, too hungry, or had to jerk-off on a rampart in the freezing cold, and with all that going for him before eight AM, he certainly couldn’t complain.   

  He’d have to work with Eren today on their report, but unlike the tension he would have felt at the prospect of it in the last few months or maybe more, he wasn’t stressed about it. In fact, he was looking forward to it. Avoiding Eren had now given way to studying him, gauging his behavior and reactions, and Levi was going to figure out if that fucking shifter had the hots for him or not.

  It was all part of his master plan, no more averting his eyes when they met those big green orbs, no more pondering endless threads of knowing and knowing and knowing ad infinitum, he was going to hold that damn gaze and see what the hell happened. If Eren wanted a staring war, it was exactly what he was going to get, and Levi was certain victory would be his.

  He wasn’t new to this, he was a man, a grown man. It wasn’t as if he’d never flirted, or kissed, or fucked someone, and he was going to stop acting like a blushing school-girl every time Eren was in his proximity. Today would be the beginning of something new, a new outlook, renewed confidence, and if he was lucky, he’d confirm the suspicions that were now brewing where Eren was concerned.

  When he arrived in the dining hall, he was both taken aback and disappointed when he didn’t see the object of his affections anywhere. There was his empty seat at the table where he usually ate with the younger members, and he hoped he hadn’t pushed too far the day before. He himself had spent time earlier in the week avoiding Eren, so he considered it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that he would do the same thing if he had made him uncomfortable the night before.

  Then again, the shifter hadn’t seemed anxious about holding onto him yesterday. In truth, he seemed more than pleased, petting his back, pressing up against him, and breathing on his neck. Although, there had been that incident in the barracks. What if that had been too much for Eren? What if eyeing him up and down like a freshly skewered piece of meat had been going too far?

  Levi hadn’t meant to do it, but it had been so unexpected to see him there like that, and after that ride and how close they were, and everything he had finally admitted to himself, he couldn’t help it. It just happened. Eren had cracked that cool shell of control he usually kept so well projected, and he’d managed to slip.

  Taking his usual seat towards the corner of the table, Levi gave Hanji a curt nod before taking a sip of his tea, and getting his paper ready. When and if Eren appeared, he wanted to know immediately, but he didn’t want to be completely overt either. If his predictions were correct, or this morning played out the way every morning had for the last four months, he’d know right away when the shifter arrived. There would be those familiar calls of, ‘Eren’ from his friends and some sort of ruckus before he’d settle in and concentrate on his breakfast.

  For now, he could read a _fascinating_ article about sweeping chimneys regularly, while checking for Eren at fixed intervals. Certainly, every couple sentences would be an appropriate frequency in which to do so.

  He ignored Hanji for the moment, who was just grinning at him like an idiot for some reason he was unsure of, and tried to concentrate on the paper, while scanning the dining hall every thirty seconds.

  It was only when he was halfway through that stupid fucking article that he began to panic a little, wondering where in the world Eren had gotten off to, and why he hadn’t appeared. He now knew it was extremely important to clean soot from a chimney bi-yearly, and that the residue inside was highly flammable, causing a number of pointless deaths a year, but what he didn’t know was where in the fuck Eren was.

  His friends didn’t seem to be worrying, as they were wont to do whenever something was wrong with him, but still, that revelation didn’t quite relieve him. If Eren was avoiding him, and had told them of his discomfort -which there would be a good chance he had if he was bothered by it, they wouldn’t be acting particularly out-of-sorts. Then again, Mikasa would surely be glaring at him, and she wasn’t, so he supposed after careful thought, that he mustn’t have said anything.

  “Hi Eren.”

  _Eren!_

Pulled from his reverie when heard Hanji say that name, he almost dropped his teacup, and watched as their current leader lifted a hand in a friendly wave as she peered behind him.

  Levi turned around with less smoothness than he would have liked, only to see Eren standing right behind him.

  He had snuck up on him?

  “Eren, what the hell are you doing?” Levi asked, and he wanted to smack himself for sounding so completely irritated and taken by surprise.

  Then there was that fucking salute that he hated. “Sorry, Captain, I wanted to know what time I’m to meet with you to work on the report.”

  “El- eleven… eleven o’clock. My office.” He fucking stuttered like he had the day before, heard Hanji giggle and wanted to throw that awful rag they called a ‘paper’ at her.

  Shooing Eren away with a flick of his hand, he attempted to regain some of his composure before turning around and glaring at Hanji who was studying him, looking at him like some kind of scientific specimen before she went back to scribbling in her notebook. He could spend the rest of the morning looking at her all pissed off, but Eren was far more interesting, even the way he was now ladling porridge into his bowl was more interesting. Everything he did was interesting.

  Resuming his usual morning position of hiding behind his paper, he watched everything Eren did, the shifter falling into his usual routine of talking to his friends and glancing at him every time he wasn’t engaged directly in conversation with them. Something was different today, though. Eren wasn’t looking away nearly as often as he usually did, as if he was now totally unintimidated by those eyes piercing into him. No, he was just looking at him, almost like a challenge, and when Levi looked closer, it appeared as if the left corner of his mouth was just the slightest bit upturned, like he was _smirking_ at him.

  Even now as Levi stared at him, determined not to tear his gaze away, Eren stared back, and Levi upped the ante, narrowing his eyes. He knew what he looked like when he did that, Eren should be feeling as if he was seeing into his very soul right now, practically reading his mind, but the younger man didn’t relent, he just kept eating porridge, and smirked again before licking his spoon almost obscenely, and Levi had to grit his teeth to keep his jaw from dropping. The staring war that Levi was so sure he was going to win was swiftly turning into a showdown, and even as Eren’s friends departed, he didn’t break that gaze, just said goodbye, and kept looking at him, looking _into_ him.

  Clearly, they could sit there all day, because there was no fucking way Levi was losing this to a brat. No fucking way, but he had shit to do, and so did Eren, and one of them was going to have throw the battle before it became a draw.

  He was going to end this now, and end it in the best fucking way possible. Eren wanted to win this, well Levi was going to take this shit up a notch. He stood up, not even blinking and tossed his paper on the table, before striding over toward Eren, his lips curving slightly as the shifter’s eyes widened as he drew closer. The younger man didn’t stop staring, even craned his neck slightly as Levi came to stand across from him and leaned down against the table, almost eye level with him.

  “Why don’t we make that ten o’clock, Eren.”

  There was a bit of sputtering before the shifter managed out a, “yes, Captain” and finally squeezed his eyes shut. Levi had won, and he felt a little bad about it as Eren glanced right back up at him, that smirk absent now.

  “I look forward to it,” Levi said, relieved when Eren smiled at that, and strolled out of the dining hall, feeling awfully happy with himself.

  He’d definitely won, and he was pretty fucking sure now that Eren liked him, liked him a whole hell of a lot.

  Making a detour to his quarters before heading to his office, Levi refreshed his cologne, and combed his hair again. If Eren wanted to play games, they could play some, and he was going to look and smell good doing it. He had time to kill, and starting on the report was probably the best course of action. He had an inkling that getting any work done was going to be difficult, given how breakfast had begun. If they were only going to spend the rest of the morning staring at each other and trying to catch the other glancing in their direction, it would take the entire day to get it finished.

  He supposed, as he sat down at his desk that it may be slightly irresponsible, writing up most of it, but he could get Eren’s impressions when he arrived, and add them to what he had already written. It was only one building and a stable, it was safe, a strategically good spot to look out from, sturdy, in good condition, and there wasn’t much more to say about it. It was difficult lately with this lull, not to take advantage when he could, and he knew they all did it. It wasn’t as if they still weren’t vigilant, still didn’t know the there was a great threat looming over them, but damn it, they deserved a reprieve once in a while.

  Who knew when it would all go to shit again, and they’d be dropping like flies, or watching friends and comrades die. They weren’t even certain what this war with Marley would entail or if anyone would make it out alive. Perhaps they’d be completely annihilated in a fashion that left the titans looking attractive in contrast. Despite all his dedication to doing what needed to be done, he just wanted a little bit of happiness and enjoyment, and if writing out a report gave him more time to spend flirting with Eren -or whatever the hell it was that they were doing, he was going to do it.

  The next hour was spent with quill in hand as Levi recounted the most important details, writing out notes about the location, before he heard a knock at the door to office. He glanced at the clock, ten right on the dot. The shifter was fucking punctual.

  “Come in,” he called, and he could already feel his heart beat quickening as the door creaked on its hinges, slowly pushing open until there Eren was, walking in and shutting the heavy thing behind him. Coming to stand in front of his desk, he saluted him, and Levi had to stop him right then and there.

  “At ease, Eren. You don’t need to salute me when we’re alone.”

  Eren gave him a strange look, but moved to sit in the chair in front of his desk anyway. He couldn’t explain exactly why he hated it so much, it wasn’t only that the feelings he had for Eren put him on the same level in his mind, it was more than that. The battles, everything they had suffered, and the bonds that grew through all the strife made it seem so unnecessary. Eren, nor any of the others were below him in this anymore.

  “I took the liberty of getting notes written, there isn’t much more to do except for you add anything you think is necessary after you read through them.”

  “Oh.” The teen’s shoulders slumped as he reached out to take the notes from his hand, and Levi didn’t understand what could possibly be wrong. Writing reports wasn’t that terrible compared to a thousand other things they could be stuck doing.

  “Something the matter, Eren?” Levi asked.

  “No, nothing. I only thought we had more to do.”

  Was Eren disappointed they weren’t going to spend the rest of the morning writing a boring fucking report? “I’m sure you have better things to do, Brat.”

  Levi saw his shoulders droop again, those big green eyes looking at him, almost pleading. “Not really.”

  Those fucking things just drew him in, and he knew it now, knew exactly why Eren didn’t want to be done so swiftly with that report. He _wanted_ to be here, and unless Levi was completely losing his mind, he knew it was so he could spend time with him. After the ride home the night before, whatever that was at breakfast, and what Eren had just revealed, he wasn’t sure how much more confirmation he needed, and it dawned on him with the force of a titan’s hand that _confirmation_ was no longer the problem. The problem was building that bridge between the two of them, jumping whatever hurdle it was that kept them in their quiet separate worlds of pining and hoping and looking and wanting, and this seemed more insuperable than figuring it out had been in the first place.

  Only when he had finished mulling over the next great barrier to a potential relationship with Eren, did Levi relax back in his chair, watching the teen scanning the page for barely a second before his eyes would dart back up to him. “You don’t have to leave when we’re done.”

  He didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, but that look on Eren’s face was completely worth blurting things out when he _didn’t know what the fuck he was doing_.

  As Levi predicted, it took a good while for Eren read through what he had written and get his own notes down, because he spent ninety percent of his time staring at him. It hadn’t gone as far as it had at breakfast, veering away from the game it had become in the morning. Despite that draw, there was work to be done, and though distracted, Eren was attempting to get through it the best he could, Levi could see that, knew it was a struggle, and he knew he wasn’t making it any easier, as he could barely tear his eyes away either.

  Every tiny detail of Eren was not only being stored in his mind, but appreciated. From the color of his slightly tanned skin, how it held no flaws, to the way his muscles contracted in his forearm every time he moved it forward to dip the quill in the inkwell. He worked his way up, trying to distract himself from that even more enticing neck, the skin stretching over it as he leaned forward and cocked his head to the side while he was writing. Levi could imagine putting his mouth there, in the crook where it met his shoulder, sucking, biting gently, feeling his pulse with his lips.

  How lovely it would be to suck right there, mark him, watch how long it took for it to disappear with his rapid healing abilities and then do it all over again. Levi saw Eren catch him, and it was like the shifter knew exactly what he was thinking when he caught his gaze and Eren smiled a smile so small it almost wasn’t there, and rubbed the spot Levi had only been looking at moments before. It was as if those big beautiful sparkly eyes gave him some mysterious power and he could read his fucking mind.

  Nearing lunch time, Eren pushed the papers forward across Levi’s desk towards the older man, and put his head down on the desk with a sigh. “It feels like that took forever.”

  “You didn’t want to leave, anyway,” Levi pointed out.

  Eren only sighed again, pulled up his head up about an inch and banged it gently down on the desk. “But I didn’t want to spend all of my time writing notes.”

  Levi didn’t say anything, and his heart almost caught in his chest, it was like those moments when he’d be crouching on the back of his horse, waiting for the perfect moment, about to jump off and start sailing through the air. He searched for the right words, it felt like lightning was crackling over his skin, and he wet his lips about to venture speech before Eren glanced up at him, then beat him to it.

  “Do you like me, Levi?” Eren asked, voice strong and steady.

  “Of course, I like you.”

  Eren stared at him, shimmering green eyes narrowing, eyebrows knitting into a frown, and Levi wanted to smack himself in his forehead. He’d asked him if he liked him, and Levi was a moron who hadn’t even realized what the hell he’d meant. He wanted to know if he _liked_ him, as in liked him not as just some buddy or friend or comrade, but had feelings for him. Fuck, he was such an idiot.

  “You mean in a way that’s different from everyone else?”

  “Well yes, what else would I mean?” Poor Eren sounded exasperated, his voice rising slightly, and Levi felt like an asshole again.

  “Why Eren? What do you think?” Eren was getting riled up, and if he was asking because he thought Levi was attracted to him and he had a problem with it, then Levi was going to deny everything, and then go hide under a rock.

  The shifter was full of surprises, and Levi was sure he hadn’t hidden his shock when Eren got up, and came around his desk to stand right next to him, before he leaned down, their faces only inches apart. “I think you do! I think you like me a lot, Levi, and I think you already know I like you too. That’s why you can’t stop looking at me, and why you don’t want me to call you ‘Captain’ or salute you when it’s only us.”

  Such fucking nerve from Eren, he’d punch anyone else who got in his face and said something like this right in their god damned jaw, but Eren doing this, he adored him for it for so many reasons, and he struggled to find a way to respond other than by grabbing Eren’s head and smashing his mouth against his right then. “You’re right, Eren.”

  He watched a number of emotions cross Eren’s face as he stood there, almost panting. Surprise, shock, confusion, before he looked like he was thinking really deeply, and took a step back. “I’m… _right_?”

  Words were still hard. Action worked better in some situations anyhow, and this was definitely one of those situations. It took Levi only a moment to get to his feet after he made his decision, stepped toward Eren, grabbed one of the straps of his gear running down his chest, then looked into those almost comically widened eyes, eyebrows flying up into untamed bangs when Levi’s fingers skimmed up his jaw, settled on the back of his head, and he brought his lips to his ear. “You should come to my quarters for tea tonight after dinner. Eight o’clock?”

  “Tea?” Eren squeaked, and Levi couldn’t help nuzzling his lips against the side of his face.

  “Yes tea, and we should talk. It’s almost lunch, we don’t have time now, and the others will start looking for you.”

  The teen only nodded his agreement, words clearly lost to him.

  Pulling back from Eren, Levi looked up at his face again, and he still looked utterly shocked, and he really just wanted to keep him there, talk to him now, kiss him, but he was absolutely saving that for a time when a knock at the door couldn’t come any second. He herded a still surprised Eren towards the door, stopping him when he reached for the knob, hand covering the shifter’s, before he leaned up, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and whispered against it. “Keep this between us right now.”

  Those green eyes met his as he watched Eren’s fingers come up to touch the spot where his lips had just been. “I won’t say anything.”

   “Not a fucking word, Eren.” He had to say it, always said when he and Eren had secrets, it wasn’t demanding this time though, and Eren only smiled before he departed and Levi was left leaning back against that heavy wooden door to his office, judging himself for pecking Eren’s cheek like a housewife saying goodbye when her husband leaves for work, or some domestic shit like that.

  What was done was done though, and Eren hadn’t seemed to mind, even seemed to like it, besides, he had more important things to do, like beginning to fret over what the hell he was going to say to Eren this evening, and what they were going to do. He couldn’t possibly do all the things he wanted to do, it was too soon, _way too soon_ , and he needed to get an idea of just how deep this went for Eren. If it was some passing fancy or something more. He hoped it was something more because for him it was, and if all Eren wanted was a shallow physical relationship with him, he wasn’t sure if he was going to be capable of providing it without tearing out his own heart and stomping the shit out of it.

  He spent the rest of his afternoon in his office writing up the report for Hanji from both he and Eren’s notes. It was a loathsome task with his attention constantly going elsewhere, jumping to Eren, worrying about the evening, and now he cursed himself for not having the shifter meet with him later in the day so he hadn’t had to spend the bulk of this one like this. By the time he finished, it was dinner time, and he only ventured to the dining hall to bring the report to Hanji, and to quickly devour something so he wouldn’t wake up starving in the morning.

  Eren was there at his usual table with his usual crowd, and if tearing their eyes away from each other before had been grueling, it was near impossible now. Hanji had noticed he was preoccupied, not asking what in the hell he was looking at, but prodding just the same, asking if he was alright, what was so fascinating, and why he was behaving so oddly. He’d brushed it off as being tired, and missing lunch, but she was perceptive and Levi knew it would only be a matter of time before she’d figure out what was going on. Not that it truly made a difference that they had confessed to each other in respect to others discovering their feelings, she’d put it together eventually even if they hadn’t, but this guaranteed it would happen sooner rather than later.

  Still, he wasn’t giving anyone any ammunition, and when he noticed Eren’s friends looking at him confused, poking him, looking off in the direction he was looking, and repeatedly trying to get his attention, he finished off what was on his plate, gave Eren a nod so he didn’t think he’d changed his mind or was attempting to get away from him, and escaped back to his quarters.

  There wasn’t much for him to do, and now he wished he had told Eren seven instead of eight. He was awful with timing, next time he’d let Eren decide.

  Surprisingly, the bath he went to draw almost immediately upon entering his quarters, was more relaxing than he expected, and he was thankful for the temporary reprieve from his racing thoughts. He spent extra time in there, just soaking, trying to relax, and running the clock down until the time Eren would appear. Wasting time in the tub was better than wasting it pacing around his room.

  When he finished, he dressed, deciding not to put that fucking uniform back on and found a plain pair of slacks and a button-down. Usually he’d put his pajamas on, but decided that was far too presumptuous for a first date.

  Is that what this was, a fucking date?

  If it was, he’d be lucky if Eren didn’t think he was a boring old moron by morning. Eren liked tea, and he always seemed to like having it with him, but _tea_. Tea in his boring room? You were supposed to take a person somewhere nice on a first date, and he wasn’t even taking Eren out of HQ. God, he sucked, Eren would probably dump him by spring if they even got that far.

  Seven fifty was what the hands on the clock indicated when he glanced at it after finishing readying himself. He had just enough time to put the kettle over the fire in the hearth, check the rug in front of it for cleanliness, then make certain the fire was roaring so his room wouldn’t be too cold. After that he got his broom and swept the floor of his entire quarters, more to rid himself of the last of his nervous energy than to clean it.

  Nothing ever made him feel this way, not all the crap he did in the Underground, not fighting titans, no matter what was laid before him he always stayed calm. He could face probable death, had many times and never once had he been a nervous trembling wreck, but one man was doing it now. One wonderful, perfect man had him about to lose his fucking mind, and he knew it, had always known it, since the first time he’d laid his eyes on Eren he sensed it. Eren would be the one to finally break him, crack that wall he built to protect himself wide open, and after everything, he welcomed it.  

  When it eventually came, the knock on his door was so soft, so unlike what he had expected, but it startled him just the same, and he walked over and opened it, resisting the urge to just tug Eren inside. They stood looking at each other, Levi watching Eren fidgeting with his hands, and nibbling on his bottom lip nervously. He didn’t know what to do either, and debated internally over it, not knowing if he should kiss him, take his hand, or push him up against the wall and start biting his neck right in that spot he’d been admiring earlier.

  None of that was probably the greatest of ideas, though. They hadn’t talked, they hadn’t had tea, and Eren had barely made it through the door. Instead Levi smiled at him, heart beating a bit faster when Eren returned it, and he beckoned him to follow over to the rug in front of the hearth. “The tea should be ready.”

  Being that he was the host -and he was going to be the best one possible tonight, Levi poured them each a cup, settled himself on the soft rug set before the fireplace, and watched as Eren came to sit cross legged next to him. He looked nice, Levi thought, wearing dark grey pants and clean white shirt. He’d changed out of his uniform and dressed up a bit, and Levi was glad for it because it would be too tempting to grab those straps and pull Eren over to him.

  “I’m nervous,” Eren admitted, before taking a sip of his tea, and his trembling hand didn’t go unnoticed by Levi.

  “Are you having second thoughts,” Levi asked, hoping, praying that Eren didn’t say he was.

  “No, definitely not! I don’t want to look stupid, though.”

  Eren couldn’t get any more endearing if he tried, Levi thought. “I doubt you could do anything that would look stupid to me.”

  “I probably looked stupid staring at you this morning,” Eren said with a laugh.

  “We both did, I’m sure,” Levi assured him.

  At least they had broached that subject, it was almost freeing to admit it now, saying it to each other instead of behaving as if it wasn’t happening, like some dark secret they were both holding separately inside them.

  That little bit of broken ice was helping, and there was a comfortable silence that settled between them, finally able to sit and look at each other without the pretenses or the games, no morning paper covering Levi’s face, or a bowl of porridge for Eren to adjust his focus to. And Levi found himself drawn further into those eyes, the first time he could ever just look at them, take them all in with no worries, no fear, he could just look and get lost in them, and Eren was looking back just as fondly, occasionally glancing down at Levi’s hand on the floor between them, those huge green eyes flicking back up before he inched closer, his hand moving nearer to Levi’s, too.

   Levi looked back up at Eren’s face, hand coming to brush those rebellious locks away from his forehead, grey eyes opening so wide when Eren took his hand, and God, he was _so_ fucking daring, Levi thought. And Eren just gazed at him silently, looked at his hand again, tracing his fingertips over angry scars, glancing up once more as if he was seeking consent before the backs of his fingers were brushing over his knuckles, drawing little circles over the back of his hand, touching him reverently, memorizing every perfect imperfection on the blemished flesh of Levi’s smaller hand.

  Levi was awestruck, quiet, words failing to form at this tenderness. If anything, he had expected Eren to be inappropriately too eager when he asked him for tea. He was expecting regretfully having to tell him he was going too fast, and it was all too soon given their situation. He hadn’t anticipated this gentleness, and those eyes, the way he looked at him. It was more intense than those usual gazes, and something so warm and breathtakingly emotional lay in them.

  He was frozen now as Eren shifted his hand, tracing the lines in his palm, cradling his upturned hand within his, holding it softly. This was deeper, so much deeper than Levi had thought. Not superficial, not that kind of surface scratching attraction he had seen so many times between recruits on the eve of battle or after that when they returned grateful for another day of not being dead. It was more than any of that, and it felt as if some great thing spiraled down into him, burrowing deep inside, barreling through his entire body until he was sure his chest would burst. Even now he felt as if something within him was about to shake free, like if he didn’t do something about it on his own it would without his permission.

  He’d leap on Eren, wrap him up with his arms and legs and just hold him there until they melted into each other and never came apart again. Those fingers caressing his hand would stroke and stroke over his skin until they sunk right into him and healed all those scars. The mars on his flesh, and more salient, those mars to his tattered soul would vanish, and he’d heal Eren just the same, fill all the holes in his broken heart.

  His hand had laid limp in Eren’s until that second, a second that felt like a million, that second before he finally grasped back, fingers tightening, and he pulled Eren towards him, closing the distance, painfully slow, the recognition in Eren’s eyes reflected back in his own as they widened, then green and grey were closing, closing, closing, and their lips were so close, closer, closer, closer, sharing breath, before their foreheads smashed into each other with a loud clunk.

  “I’m a fucking, idiot,” Levi whispered, eyes blinking open, feeling like the biggest moron in existence as he watched Eren rub his head before muttering, “fuck it,” and fisting the shifter’s hair, tugging down gently to the left, tilting his head, then crossing the distance more carefully this time. Their lips touched, and he felt Eren’s hand tighten around his own, then relinquished his hold on Eren’s hair, hand settling to cradle the side of his head as the younger man’s lips pressed back against his harder for moment, and Levi took his bottom lip between his own, not deepening the kiss yet, only tasting him, savoring the feel of that silky skin against his mouth.

  It was too good to rush, too good not to map out Eren’s lips with his own, memorizing them, etching the feel into himself so he’d never ever forget them. He could stop here today and he’d never have a regret, and he thought to keep pulling those lips gently between his own, his heart swelling at the feel of Eren kissing him back, nipping lightly, and finally letting out the breath he had been holding.

  Levi was coming apart, arms moving to pull Eren closer as he felt the shifter’s hand leave his own to shakily caress his neck as his tongue peeked out, swiping against the edge of his lip, and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He wanted to press Eren back against the floor, claim him, but something inside, stronger than that libidinous need slowed him as their lips barely parted, and Levi dipped his tongue into Eren’s mouth for the first time, lazily, feeling Eren press back against his lips more frantically, and he squeezed closer, reassuring, pulling him back from that feverish demand.

  Eren followed his lead as Levi stemmed that tide of unchecked desire, tasting him back, unsure just how to go slow at first, but then calmed as Levi held him tighter, his teeth scraping lightly at Levi’s lips, small tentative nips to his chin and jaw before their mouths would meet again, biting and sucking until it would go deeper, and their tongues were gliding against one another’s.

  Five minutes, ten minutes, an hour? Levi wasn’t sure how long they’d been kissing for, but that frenzied need came through again now, and Levi could feel Eren wanted more, and he wanted terribly to acquiesce, but he couldn’t. And it was with great compunction that Levi finally pulled away, and pressed a few chaste kisses against Eren’s lips, then carefully, very carefully rested his forehead against the shifter’s.

  His brow furrowed, and his eyes narrowed as he searched those green jewels, almost laughing at how Eren’s eyes widened in return, their ragged breaths puffing against one another’s faces, both men feeling like they were gliding down from some undefinable high.

  “Tonight’s going to be one of those nights that I wish I was still in the basement dungeon.”

  Eren had broken the fucking spell, and Levi loved it, loved _him_ for it even more, grasped Eren’s face between his hands and kissed him hard, then laughed and laid back on the floor. He’d hadn’t known what to say, what to tell Eren about why they weren’t going to do anything about the hard-ons they both now had, why he resisted when Eren tried to lay them down on the floor during those kisses. Going from those beautiful wonderfully imperfect kisses to that conversation had seemed an unclimbable mountain, and Eren had saved him.

  Sliding his hand across the rug, Levi tangled Eren’s fingers with his own, and glanced at him. “It’s not that I don’t want you.”

  “I know,” Eren said, coming to lie next him on his side as he had when they were in that dirty old building settled in for the night. And he just looked at him, those eyes holding his own, green eyes that Levi now realized held an age infinitely older than his body.

  “Do you understand, now?” Eren whispered.

  Levi thought he did, and oh, how fucking bold the teen was, so confident, so sure of what he was saying, his voice not faltering at all.

  “I think I do.” At least he hoped he did, he wanted so badly to be understanding this right, still there were things he needed to know. As lovely and beautiful as that kiss was, it would be the last one they would ever share if he wasn’t sure. And he turned to face Eren. “I need to be clear on something.”

  He could see the apprehension in Eren’s expression, uncertainty there, perhaps fear, and he hated seeing it, but he couldn’t ignore the possibility.

  “Okay… what?” Eren asked, that confidence normally present, cracking under his gaze and the weight of a question yet unspoken.

  “This isn’t hero worship is it, Eren?”

  The teen was up on his knees looming over him in a second, and Levi supposed he should have expected this, Eren had always worn his heart on his sleeve then shoved it right in your face. “No! Maybe at first, months ago… almost a year ago, but it’s not now!”

  “You’re certain?” Levi asked again, just to be sure.

  “Yes! I don’t know what it is, I don’t know the word, but it isn’t that, it’s something else. Something that makes me think about you all the time, and I smile when you seem happy, and when we’re in battle and it’s over and you’re alive, I just cry because I’m so relieved. I get excited when I know I’m going to see you, and I can’t stop looking at you, I can never stop that no matter how hard I try, and when you look back at me I feel like I could fly, and all the horrible shit in this world is gone for a minute.”

  The shifter was honest, if anything, he had basically just poured his heart out instead of simply giving Levi a plain ‘yes’ or ‘no’, and the older man was captivated. He sat up at that, coming back up to Eren’s level, or close to it, given their height difference, brushing the backs of fingers over his hand that was set in a determined fist against his knee. Eren was practically panting from the exertion of almost yelling all that at him, and Levi waited for him to catch his breath, only speaking when Eren finally settled and sighed at his touch. “We’ll do this, then.”

  “Really?” Eren didn’t sound like he believed him, and Levi thought that was cute.

  “ _Really_ , but we’re going to have to set some rules for now.” There were no official rules about this, he and Hanji hadn’t set any new ones pertaining to fraternization or much else after she became Commander and only the nine of them were left, but it didn’t mean she wouldn’t have something to say about it, or that it couldn’t become a problem. He hated it, despised that they couldn’t flaunt this in any way they wanted, but for the time being, it was better to keep it between the two of them. All they could do was take this new relationship day by day, and see what would come of it, although, he was certain eventually the others would figure it out. Given what they had all endured together, it was difficult to keep secrets within their tightly knit group.

  Eren seemed to deflate a little at that, but Levi continued, hating that they had to have this conversation in the first place.

  “We need to be strictly professional outside of this room or my office, no kissing, grabbing, or overly affectionate touches unless we’re in either of those places. You cannot tell anyone else, this has to stay a secret between us for now. And most importantly… if you don’t want to do something, you need to tell me. There’s our age difference to consider, and I don’t want to push you into something you don’t want to do. Honesty is key here.”

  “I don’t care about that, Levi,” Eren said, covering Levi’s hand with his own.

  “I know, but still. You’re inexperienced, and it’s been a long time… a _really_ long time since I did anything like this, and I don’t want you to feel taken advantage of.”

  “Alright, I can do that.” Eren was quiet, averting his eyes as his face flushed a little. “I haven’t done _things_ , but I want to.”

  He was precious, and Levi was sure he could fall in love with him right then if he hadn’t already. “There’s time for that, be patient. I don’t want you to regret this.”

  “I won’t ever regret it.”

  “I hope not. For now, just remember the rules, and we can spend time here in the evenings.”

  “I will.”

  “I don’t want to have rules, Eren -except for that last part, but it’s what we have to live with for now.”

  “It’s better than only watching you, and pining,” Eren whispered.

  “Much better.” Eren wasn’t the only one who felt as if a great weight had been lifted. Having to keep this to himself had been stifling, crushing him so completely for so long, regardless that he had only fully realized it days before.

  Eren leaned forward, his voice taking on a hushed tone, eyes lighting up, but Levi could see apprehension there too. “What does this make you then? My boyfriend?”

  Levi almost laughed, Eren was going to kill him with how fucking adorable he was. “Yes, I suppose. ‘Boyfriend’, ‘lover’, call it what you’d like, but it’s not what you call it that really matters.”

  “Okay,” Eren breathed, and Levi could hear the relief, and the younger man laid back down on the rug, tugged him down with him, and rested his head against Levi’s shoulder. “Can I stay for a little longer?"

  “Mhmm, but you should probably leave near ten, too many late nights will get people asking questions, and we should save those.” If he could get away with it and Eren consented, he’d put Eren in his room, put him in his bed, and spend all night with him cuddled up against him until the morning, but it was better for now to be sparing with late nights or perhaps keeping Eren there all night occasionally if he could find a way to get away with it.

  After all this time of knowing Eren, finally just lying there with him, silent, listening to him breathe, hand clasped in his, he felt like he was finally home. As if he’d spent a lifetime looking for some place where he belonged and only discovered it now. He had it so fucking bad for Eren, he knew this, and it made him feel younger than he was, stripped away that tired disinterested impassivity he had about regular life.

  “Sorry I bumped your head earlier,” Eren said, cutting through the quiet between them.

  “It was my fault, Eren. I forgot how to kiss people, I guess.” He could still hardly believe he’d done that, but it didn’t ruin it. For all the messiness of their kisses, and Eren getting too wound up, and their noses getting in the way, and hitting Eren in his fucking head with his own, he wouldn’t change a thing about that kiss. If they both survived long enough, it would be something to remember years from now… like Eren with that fucking spoon. “So, when you were licking that spoon this morning?”

  “Oh.” Eren blushed and Levi thought it was sweet, though he wasn’t going to come out and admit it aloud it just yet. “Yeah, I don’t know what the hell I was doing. I’ve never licked anything. Well, I mean sexually.”

  “You’re going to kill me, Eren.” Levi almost laughed.

  “What?” Eren asked incredulous as he moved his head so he could Look at Levi.

  “Don’t worry, I meant kill me in a good way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I killed myself today finishing this chapter. It's longer than I expected, and it took longer than expected too, but it's one of *those* chapters, and the first kiss always gets me, so it had to be done today, and I am so happy.
> 
> They finally said stuff, and were all sweet and kissing, and those two just kill me and make me smile so hard.
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you loved it! And if you ever wanted to drop in and say hello or leave a kudo, feel free to do so for this one because it took a long time and I wrote 6000 words in a day and my legs fucking hurt from sitting all day. <3 <3 <3


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